MeetAtTheAirport.com is the worst idea in the history of ideas

MeetAtTheAirport.com is the worst idea in the history of ideas

SexDecember 19, 2013

We've seen our fair share of ridiculous dating sites in our time, but we've really got to say that this is, by far, the worst dating site idea in the history of forever. From Steve Pasternack, the man who gave you SugarDaddies.com and 7orBetter.com (a dating site for men with magnum dongs)...we bring you MeetAtTheAirport.com.

A dating site that gives horny airplane passengers the the opportunity to find love amongst the hoards of swine flu-infected travelers, MeetAtTheAirport.com is a place for singles who are looking for deep qualities in their partners like "Prefers the aisle seat" or "Someone I never have to see again."

What better way to spend your layover than speed dating every man, woman and of-age child within a 30 foot radius of you, forming lasting, hour-long relationships with them? Because if there's anything air travelers love more than having their privacy invaded by the TSA, it's having their privacy invaded by you, who is trying to date them for the next 25 minutes until your flight to Cedar Rapids leaves and you never see each other again.

“Share a drink with an attractive stranger in the totally safe environment of a public airport,” says the copy on the site’s home page. What a titillating thought!

When you log onto the site, you're greeted by a nauseating blast of early 2000's nostalgia, because you're looking straight at a page that was surely designed before the internet became a thing, something that's arousing in its own right.

In addition to browsing hot airport singles, you can also update yourself on the latest in world and entertainment, find airport directories for all of the country's finest airports, and share why you prefer Southwest to United on an airline forum. Do you have a boner yet? This stuff really gets us hot.

Which Au Bon Pain has the best few of the tarmac at LaGuardia? What's the closest family bathroom to your gate that you can get a hand job in at Denver International Airport? Which single hotties agree with you that the middle seat gets two armrests? MeetAtTheAirport.com can tell you all that. God, we can practically feel your boner through the computer.

So, whether it's sharing a plate of airport Panda Express, holding hands on the moving walkway (careful, it's "nearing its end!"), or crying at the airport bar over a couple of Jim & Cokes, MeetAtTheAirport.com is sure to make your wildest air travel fantasies turn into terrifying realities that you'll regret for years to come.

Not surprisingly, MeetAtTheAirport.com hasn't been doing too hot. Probably because there's nothing on this god-awful planet that's worse than having awkward first date's in the security line while you get patted down by a husky TSA officer named Bubba, then having to ask "Your terminal or mine?" aftewards.

But, there is one downside to airport dating; the Cinnabon thing. You know what we're talking about. Everyone knows that airport Cinnabons don't count...but they start to once you eat them in someone else's presence. The only thing that stops the Cinnabon experience from being a thing your ego accepts as reality is the fact that you eat it hunched over in a lonely corner, slyly taking bites when you know people aren't looking while you contemplate your own desolation. You just can't do that when you're on a MeetAtTheAirport date because people are going to be asking you stupid things like "Where did you go to college?" and "Are you an abortion person or...." The mere fact that someone is watching you eat it makes your Cinnabon feast a real phenomenon, and you don't want that. Do you see what we're saying? MeetAtTheAirport doesn't work because Cinnabon, and that's that.