Comedian Mike Stanley on the funniest dinosaur, Hollywood and schluping Brad Pitt

Comedian Mike Stanley on the funniest dinosaur, Hollywood and schluping Brad Pitt

... I think I might be in love with Brad Pitt. ...

CultureOctober 02, 2019 By Mike Stanley

What do you think the funniest dinosaur was?
Definitely that one from Jurassic Park that fwapped out its neck umbrellas like jazz hands right before spitting that loogie in Newman’s face! So much pizazz! That thing ain’t takin’ no sass! I’m big on pageantry. That lil’ scamp was a riot! I’d walk one of those down Colfax!

Should Hollywood just keep remaking movies until society crumbles?
Well, scientists project that we’ll be wiped off the face of the planet by 2050 ... so I say go for it! I like when they remake a movie and change one meaningless detail and everyone loses their mind. ‘The Little Mermaid is black?!?!, Female Ghostbusters?!?! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!’ I’m working on a remake of Planet of the Apes but instead of apes it’s ponies, and instead of riding horses they ride giraffes. It’s pretty wild! Whoa ... these shrooms just kicked in ... sorry ... sorry.

Are people supposed to eat meat?
I think that diet is something that varies on a person to person basis. Some of us need to eat meat, some people are genetically predisposed to stick to a vegetarian diet for health reasons, others have the need to stick to a strict vegan diet in order to seem interesting by annoying everyone at parties and making every dinner outing an absolute nightmare. So yeah ... to each their own.

Do you think Brad Pitt dreams about hooking up with Brad Pitt?
Pffft! I know I do! I’m straight as an arrow but if you told me Brad Pitt from Fury was dry humping Brad Pitt from Inglorious Bastards? Or Brad Pitt from Troy was 69ing with Brad Pitt from Meet Joe Black? Or Br ... ahhh shit ... I think I might be in love with Brad Pitt. Ugh. I gotta go. I have a lot to think about.

Mike can be seen every Monday hosting Thick Skin at Comedy Works Downtown. Tweet @_Aware_Wolf or @RoosterMagazine with your most pressing queries about this thing we call life.