How to ball on a budget and why Canadians always say 'eh'

How to ball on a budget and why Canadians always say 'eh'

CultureApril 03, 2019 By Mike Stanley

Life advice from comedian Mike Stanley. Have a pressing query about this thing we call life? Tweet @_Aware_Wolf and let it be known.

Would you rather live without the Internet or live without AC and heating?
I can’t imagine living in either of these awful hellscapes you’ve created but if I had to, no Internet I suppose. An air conditioner has never told me I’m terrible at stand-up from the basement of its parents house.

My parents always pressure me about finding a girlfriend/wife. I’m happy right now, how do I get them off my back?
Easy! Bring someone terrible home and convince them you’re in love! Find a horrible person (this shouldn’t be difficult) tell them you’ll toss them a few clams to come over and act like you’re together. Tell them to be as funny as they possibly can. Convince your parents it was their idea for you to settle down and they were right ... thanks to them you’ve finally ‘found your person!’ They’ll never pressure you into doing anything again.

Why do Canadians always say ‘eh?’
I have no idea. Maybe that’s their way of saying ‘right?’ At the end of a sentence the way we do. A sort of, ‘We’re on the same page, correct?’ A validation. For the record, I love Canadians! Their wacky ham-bacon, colorful clown money and purchasing milk in a bag! You be you, ya polite poutine eatin’ Mountie goofs! God bless ya!

How can I ‘ball on a budget’ to impress my date this weekend?
Here’s what I do. Whenever my server brings out a new bottle of ketchup, I have them show off the bottle and let me taste it like a fancy wine man. I love pageantry.

(I tip 75% and apologize profusely in private when this happens.)

What’s a good gift for my father’s birthday?
Either one of my albums Tough Luck Chump or Shiner on iTunes. Or ... bring him to see me headline Comedy Works downtown April 7th. Win-win!