Comedian Mike Stanley takes on Elon Musk, Zoloft and racist family members

Comedian Mike Stanley takes on Elon Musk, Zoloft and racist family members

CultureNovember 08, 2018

Life advice from comedian Mike Stanley. Take it for what it's worth. 

Do you think Elon Musk has lost his mind or is HE still a badass?

I don’t know much about the guy, but I think his work is pretty impressive. He’s launching spaceships and smoking weed on podcasts. Seems pretty badass to me. I guess we should all be happy he isn’t threatening to evaporate your entire family and force them into slavery with a giant death ray he’s created. The guy is basically Tony Stark.  If he wanted to invent a pocket watch to turn you inside out, he could. He has the money and means to do it. That’s exactly the type of guy you want high, happy and chill as hell. I say, ‘Fire it up, Compadre!’

What keeps you going when you feel low?

100mg of Zoloft daily and petting every stranger’s dog I come across. Also, check out the coupons and other discounts on different weed strains and CBD oils in this issue of Rooster! Other than that, ignoring social media. Stuff is flinging at you a million miles per second. Most of it is a hot-heap-of-horse-hockey that can make you feel like you’re not living an adequate life by comparison. You’d be surprised how much better you feel when stepping away for a while. Lastly, you should go to a stand-up comedy show. *ahem ... maybe an incredibly talented hatted man with an unwavering wit is touring through your town?

With all the holidays coming up, How do I deal with my racist relatives at family gatherings?

Here’s the trick. Don’t say anything. You don’t need to. You’re not here to reprimand other adults on how to be adults. Instead do what I do. Play it cool. Wait for the topic to come up. It assuredly will. Let them start blabbing their nonsense and slowly and methodically use whatever is around you to build a wall around yourself. Cups, empties, gift boxes anything you can find. Eventually they’ll see what you’re doing and ask what the hell is happening. Tell them you’re ‘securing the borders of your turkey dinner and sanity.’ At which point they’ll be enraged and more than likely say something to the effect of, ‘You’re so immature!!! Why can’t we have a discussion?!?’ Exactly. Happy holidays.

So I’m dating a man who is almost 16 years older than me ... a. Is that gross, disturbing and/or weird? b. How old is too old? 

I think once both parties surpass their 30s, it doesn’t really matter. If you’re in your 20s ... yes. All three. Gross disturbing and weird. Unless you’re just banging, and older men are your thing. No judgment. Maintaining a relationship, though not wrong, seems weird to me with that much of an age gap. As far as how old is too old, I guess that would depend on what you’re looking for in a partner. Maybe you just need to throw some Just For Men into his pubes and you’re back out there painting the town red.