Monday Morning Conversation Starters We Love to Hate

Monday Morning Conversation Starters We Love to Hate

VicesJanuary 28, 2013

Until every office has triple M Mondays (Monday Morning Margaritas), Mondays will continue to suck. Everyone is hung over, pissed off, or stressed out and starting a converaation can be little tricky. Hence the converation starters...

"How was your weekend?"

This is a required conversation starter every Monday. It's like talking about the weather. You always know you shouldn't, but you always do anyway. The worst part is, unlike the weather, you're actually stuck having to listen to their weekend story about shit you don't give a fuck about.

"Rough weekend?"

This is a conversation starter someone is guaranteed to use, and also guaranteed to piss off your co-worker. What goes through his or her head is something like this, “Well, let me think... I woke up on a park bench, my dehydrated body scorched by the hot sun. My clothes covered in my own vomit. Missing shoe. Keys gone. Wallet lost. Iphone broke. Rough weekend? Yeah, you could say so, thanks for asking.” Or, this, “I woke up feeling amazing, but now, you just said I look like shit. Thanks for asking asshole, go fuck yourself.”

"Did you watch the new Californication?"

No we didn't. The truth is, the new season of Californication isn't worth the water cooler talk. Like Entourage, each new season gets worse than the last. The writers seem to think we care about the characters' feelings and backstory. Not so. At this point, all we want is for Becca to die in a fixed-gear biking accident, and Hank, now overcome by a feeling of happiness he doesn't fully understand, gets happy drunk and bangs endless amounts of gorgeous women. A more appropriate conversation stater would be, "When does Game of Thrones start?"