This month in following trends: Human Uber is yes, the Oscars are complete shit

This month in following trends: Human Uber is yes, the Oscars are complete shit

CultureMarch 07, 2018

Each month, we painstakingly scroll through the outer edges of the Internet to find out what's trending, what's flopping, and what shouldn't even exist except it does and this is our life now. To point you in which direction to run, we've categorized them in such a way you'll be better off for it. 

BESTEST


Human Uber
Y’all seen this yet? For a fee, some random being straps an iPad to their face and live streams the place you’re supposed to be at. So you can remotely attend a meeting/dinner/whatever without actually having to “be” there as a person. We repeat: you can live life without ever owning pants again!
-----

GOOD

Augmented Reality
Drop what you’re doing and Google “19 Crimes labels” right now. Hurry. You see that? Augmented reality is poised to take over real life experiences. Tech analysts are predicting this very cool life accessory to make its way into everything from food labels to junk mail — and if we can find $500 million lying around, maybe a Rooster magazine or two one day.

Car Subscriptions
Long story short, the new trend in auto “ownership” is kind of like leasing but not. With bundling subscription packages, Porsche, Volvo, Cadillac and Lincoln are all offering up vehicles on short-term status (with included insurance). It’s all in a quest to rope in millennials (we really hate that word) who are statistically choosing other modes of untethered travel.
-----

MEH

New Emojis
This year, 157 new emojis will be uploaded into the nethers amplifying your social media/text space for good. Items include a cold emoji face, a couple of bricks, bald multi-colored dudes, a peacock, toilet paper, and dozens of other things you’ve managed to live without up until this very second. Consume! 


Instagram Ads
Go onto Instagram they said, it’s better than Facebook they said. Wrong! Zuckerberg had this planned all along and now the eldest shire Baggins is hocking the intrusive business model on his other social media platform. Instagram’s money-grab is here. Expect more ads, more boosted posts and more e-frustrations than ever before in 2018.


Goth Foods
Remember all of that hyper-colored unicorn bullshit from way back in 2017? Great, well, the antithesis of that is quickly becoming a thing now, too. It’s called “goth food” and basically consists of an activated charcoal ingredient to reverse-bleach damn near everything including deep black ice cream, Satan waffles, macabre macaroons and “I-hate-you-mom” coffee.
-----

WORSTEST


Awards
The whack-ass existence of awards has been touted in the past by many-a-paragraphs before; but honestly, why are these things like the Oscars still considered “trends” in certain circles? Kendrick Lamar’s dissed multiple times and we’re supposed to take them seriously? Advice to the young’ins: go do your own thing.