A man died in an Amazon warehouse last month, with people continuing to work around his corpse for an hour before anyone noticed anything was wrong.  The employee, a 46-year-old man, was a worker at an Amazon warehouse in Troutdale, Oregon when St. Peter called him, but he couldn’t go, as he sold his soul to the company store. A report claims that workers were instructed to continue working around the man’s dead body, which has to be the most dystopian shit that we’ve read since we opened up the news on our phone yesterday. A complaint alleges that a supervisor told employees “just turn around and don’t look. Let’s get back to work.” Unbeknownst to some, this is arguably the craziest fucking thing your boss could tell you upon witnessing the sudden tragic death of one of your coworkers. While unfortunate and a very telling sign of how fucked up working conditions are in America, this is actually good news for us personally, as we have a Kalshi bet that somebody kills and eats Jeff Bezos within the next seven months. In days like this, where Americans can’t afford to fill up their gas tanks or buy eggs, it’s nice to know we have the reassurance of knowing that, at the very least, if we died in a billionaire’s exploitation warehouse, we can at least expect to get hit by the dust mop within an hour or two of keeling over.