My boyfriend sent me futuristic dick pics on Dick Code and I'm stunned
I was trying to take a classy naked selfie with my cat the other day when a text from my boyfriend interrupted my artistic process.
I opened it to find a graphic featuring three crudely drawn, amorphous blobs accompanied by the text "D.code."
Intrigued by the possibility that this was an iPhone virus, but also just my boyfriend's backwards way of expressing his love, I opened the link.
What I found there would change my life forever.
Before my very eyes was a detailed, itemized, illustrated description of my boyfriend's cock and generalized cock-area. Nineteen different descriptors of his size, shape, ejaculation style and pubic hair — all selected by him for the purposes of educating me on the finer points of his dong — greeted me as I scrolled through the artless drawings of dick.
Just what was this weener wonderland I'd stumbled upon?
Dick Code, fellow plebs. Dick Code. It's the site that's reinventing — no, re-birthing — the dick pic by providing an in-depth look at the features of a penis that a typical MySpace angle and smartphone camera never could actually convey. Using its biologically diverse illustration options, dick-havers can select the images that best describe their length, width, hairiness, foreskin style, curvature, semen footprint and ball phenotype, all for the purposes of a more accurate and honest profile of their peen.
Dick Code is the brainchild of György Szűcs, the 28-year-old Hungarian CEO and founder of CREATIVE ROBOT, a digital studio that builds next-level 3D designs, Android games and sophisticated automated scripts to help organizations gain social media followers. He was inspired to create it after experiencing some trepidation about sending pictures of his own penis to strangers online. It felt a little too gross; a little too forward. At the same time, he was frustrated that the pics people were sending him weren’t telling him what he really wanted to know about their dicks (How hairy? How veiny? How long do they come for? Does it bend to the right?)
So, he put his brain to use and created Dick Code so penis owners of the world and beyond could provide potential partners with a more encompassing, less gross picture of their package. Finally, men can shout "Here is my dick!" from the mountain tops without offense.
Here's how it works.
You go to Dick Code.
You click on the pictures that best describe your dick.
You're given a code.
You send the code to people in lieu of a poorly lit, pixelated train-wreck.
What do they get? A way more in-depth, articulate description of your cock than that "Hey, u up?" shit you've been doing.
I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed getting a dick pic in this way. Although I've seen my boyfriend's dick because I'm not a pilgrim, it was also super fun and entertaining to learn about his ejaculation style and how he saw his penis compared to how I did. Had I no boyfriend to speak of, I think receiving a Dick Code from a stranger would be a lot more welcome than an actual photo of their semen-crusted urethra — it's less personal, less threatening and gives you a lot more information to base whether you want to meet that penis in real life or not on.
Because of these benefits, it's no surprise that Dick Code is blowing up.
Within 48 hours of its release, 190,000 people had created their own unique Dick Codes. “There are 1,000 people making Dick Codes as we speak!” Szűcs told MEL Magazine. “It’s super fucking exciting.”
So far, he's even learned some very illuminating conclusions about penises across the world, such as that 6 inches is most common length and that all Brazilians shave their dicks.
Right on. Good to know.
The site's overnight popularity has even encouraged Szűcs to start on Boob Code and Vagina Code, which will be the same thing as Dick Code but for lady parts. But until then, he hopes that dating apps like Tinder, Grindr and Manhunt will see the value that these codes could bring to their users and add fields on their platforms where people can link to their dick code.
Truth be told, it would be a little more pleasant to receive one of those than a horrifying image of your strangely oily dick that bends so far to the left it might as well be Al Gore.