National Western Stock Show: Jan. 12-27
YEEEHAWWW partners! Weak, light beer and tight jeans make return to Denver this month. Don’t miss the crazy fucks riding pissed-off bulls, pissed-off horses and, our personal favorite, children riding pissed-off sheep. Aside from mutton bustin’ there’s always livestock to heckle here. Oh, and do not touch the animals. There are a million other ways to piss off a cowboy. If you don’t remember from grade school, you may also just walk around and collect pens at the tradeshow. Most importantly though, view every sort of rodeo there ever was: the Mexican Extravaganza, the MLK rodeo, and even Pro Bull Riders. Yes, it’s real: Cowboys gather in public and take turns trying to last for eight seconds ... yeah, an eight-second ride. Yay. We’ve seen 102-pound blondes buck harder than that. Bud Light will flow to make it way easier to pick which buckle bunny, cowgirl or cowboy to show around The Big City (aka Denver). Don’t discount out the rodeo clowns; they’re quite striking under that make-up. It’s also very important to remember nobody can tell you’re drunk when you’re line dancing, not to mention it’s much easier to do that way.