New Kanye religion makes Scientology look like a wonderful option
Great news! A new religion inspired by rapper/ alien Kanye West has cropped up, and it's called 'Yeezianity.'
Declaring that Kanye has been "sent by God to usher in a New Age of humanity," the creators of Yeezianity outlined five basic pillars of the new religion:
- All things created must be for the good of all
- No human being’s right to express themselves must ever be repressed
- Money is unnecessary except as a means of exchange
- Man possesses the power to create everything he wants and needs
- All human suffering exists to stimulate the creative powers of Man.
The anonymous group behind Yeezianity explained why they chose Kanye to represent their beliefs:
"In a lot of ways, after I created it, I reflected on it and thought that this was just a rehashing of Christianity, but just throwing Yeezus instead of Jesus. Jesus has all this baggage and all these connotations, and Yeezus is this new thing—and that's why I say in the 'Our Savior' part of the site, 'We don't speak of his public persona.' Because Yeezus is when Kanye elevates to that God-level, which I feel like we all have the potential to do."
That's all fine and dandy, but we're pretty sure he was just sent from God to interrupt Taylor Swift. Somebody's gotta do it. Also, what's up with #3? What else is money used for? Scratchy toilet paper? We think they need a little help with their pillars. Maybe these would be more accurate?
1. All things must be created, then parodied by Seth Rogen and James Franco
2. No human being's right to interrupt Taylor Swift must ever be repressed
3. Money is unnecessary. Coinye for life.
4. Man posses the power to create Tweets like this one:
5. All human suffering shall be alleviated by coming terms with the fact that you're a gay fish
Yep. Much better now. So, apparently, all you have to do to get your own religion these days is rhyme your name with 'Jesus.' Let's try this...Roost-e-zus, anybody? Hello?