Research finds going down on women stops you from getting cancer
A few years back, a study carried out by The State University of New York made the life-changing discovery that a blowjob a day keeps the doctor away. Frat houses, locker rooms and miscellaneous co-workers named Dan around the nation celebrated, releasing a cacophony of whistles, high fives and cheers. However, a new study has revealed cunnilingus has as many, or more, health benefits as fellatio. Women of the world, your time has cum.
The panty-soaking finding comes from the The Kinsey Institute, whose research revealed that the health benefits of going down on a woman included better sleep and decreased stress and anxiety.
The study examined 150 hetero and homosexual couples, asking 75 to ramp up the oral sex when they started getting down to business. The other 75 were told to carry on as normal.
The couples that rehearsed cunnilingus frequently reported lower stress levels, increased intimacy, and slept better at night. It makes sense when we think about it - you’re making someone you love, or at least like for the night, mind-blowingly happy, which in turn makes you happy. Also, who doesn’t get a good night’s sleep after a well timed sexual release?
The health benefits are very real though. For both the giver and the receiver, going down on a woman encourages her to produce hormones during arousal and orgasm like oxytocin and DHEA, which have been proven to have protective effects against diseases such as cancer and heart disease.
Both parties also reap the benefits of the sedative effect of oxytocin and other endorphins released during orgasm, meaning lady head is the perfect way to encourage sleep for those that suffer from insomnia or restless nights. The study additionally claims that these hormones can even relieve migraine headaches.
But wait, there’s more. For many women, since orgasms are not achievable through vaginal penetration alone, the sustained clitoral stimulation cunninlingus offers is one of the only ways they can get off. And there’s no easier way to achieve that than orally.
It’s also the best way to lengthen sex and “buy time,” something that’s super important for heterosexual couples who have to deal with premature ejactulation or the gloomy doom of sex ending once the guy busts a nut on her lower-back fairy tattoo.
Finally, females have the scientific backing to ask their partner to kneel at the altar every now and again. This research also paves the way for framing oral sex as the main event, instead of the opening act, which is something collective womanhood has been begging for millennia. After all, research says what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Looks like we’ll be having a boxed lunch more often. Thanks, science.