New spray combats premature ejaculation and strikes fear in men with one go-to sex move

New spray combats premature ejaculation and strikes fear in men with one go-to sex move

SexOctober 07, 2013

It doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, or hand; we've all been there. It's that moment of indignity called "premature ejaculation" and it pretty much blows, pun totally intended. #penisproblems.

Ten seconds into sex and your dick is all like, "WOOOO YEAH PARTY THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE," but your mind is like "Fuck," and your girlfriend is like "...Seriously?" This over-active boner syndrome has plagued 30% of men and dissatisfied 103% of their sexual partners for millennia...until now.

Now, there's Promescent, and a host of similar products that you can spray on your trigger-happy penis to stop it from cumming too fast. Hailed as the "anti-Viagra," it derives its sex-improving power from lidocaine, a numbing agent that reduces your pee pee's sensitivity so you last longer and your girlfriend doesn't hate you as much. Think of the trillions of couples that can finally have sex without this happening:

[Her]: I want you to make me come

[Him]: Let's get it on, woman

(Nine seconds later)

[Him]: ...Oh, shit...

[Her]: Forget my number, fuck face.

Here's a handy video about Promescent that does a really great job of congratulating men for lasting more than a minute while women can barely control themselves in their presence. #no

And if that didn't make you giggle, check out some of the comments people left on Daily Mail's post about Promescent for extra laugh points (yeah, laugh points are a thing now).