New Study Encourages You to Have Sex For Money
Want out of your abysmal job at Burger King? Put some P in your V.
A study conducted by Nick Drydakis of the Institute for the Study of Labor found that people who have sex at least four times per week make more money than their sex-starved counterparts. Five percent more, to be quite exact. Workers between age 26 and 50 apparently get the most financial benefit from their sex-capades, Nick found (that's you, target audience!). He also found that the relationship between frequency of sex and higher income existed regardless of sexuality; lesbians and gays who got busy more often had the same fiscal benefits as their hetero colleagues.
Nick analyzed a year long survey of 7,500 Greek households, which asked questions about how frequently people got laid, whether they were employed, and how much money they made. The results? There was a statistically significant, positive correlation between income and fuck frequency.
Here's why: People who have more frequent sex tend to be happier, have higher self-esteem, better reasoning ability, and are less likely to be depressed. Happier, healthier people are more likely to excel at their job, and tend to make more cash-money. People who've got it going on in the bedroom are also more likely to be outgoing, and less likely to have arthritis, diabetes, and heart disease. On the opposite end of the specturm, depressed or ill people tend to make less money due to lost productivity from their conditions, or they are limited to lesser-paying occupations.
That, or people who make more money are more desirable in the dating market. People love banging rich people, and that's a cold, hard fact. Nick acknowledges this possibility in the study, but regrettably informs his readers that there's very limited research on that theory.
Consider your sluttiness justified.