New study says bacon and burgers are emasculating, takes away our reason for living

New study says bacon and burgers are emasculating, takes away our reason for living

CultureOctober 16, 2013

Men who want to stay that way might want to stop the flow of bacon to their mouths after reading this.

New research found that bacon, hamburgers, and hot dogs are associated with lower sperm count and quality. As in they make you less fertile. That's right: men who regularly eat processed meat have sad sperm that just doesn't feel like living. Fuck..bacon is so emasculating.

But WHY? Why is everything good bad? The study doesn't say what causes sperm to suck in men who eat bacon like it's their job, but it probably has something to do with the processing process. A cubic butt-load of preservatives and binders are often added to the meat, which is usually full of hormones and antibiotics anyway. And all those chemicals make your manhood sad :(

On the other hand, sushi-guzzling gentlemen and fish lovers were found to have a higher sperm count and quality. White-meat fish like cod and halibut were were associated with a higher percentage of normal sperm, while dark-meat fish like salmon and tuna were related to a higher normal sperm count. So if you care about your sperm as much as we do, eat a fish taco instead of a bacon burger, the world will be a better, more manly place.

We just have one question...does this mean we can use bacon as contraception?