Office product #2657: Handmade stone drink dispenser
Why? Because status is everything around the office. Sure it's completely pointless but nothing says I'm boss like a handmade random object the dispenses your select whiskey from the reserves. It's not the same as white tiger cubs we're saving up for but it'll have to do for now. And for $125, we'll write it off as a necessary business expense to increase productivity and build team comradery.