One Night Stand...What’s Next?

One Night Stand...What’s Next?

SexFebruary 16, 2013

At some point throughout the night, you decided it would be a good idea to go home with the love of your life. Now it’s the morning, what the hell did you get yourself into? You can get through this, take our hand.

Awkward Goodbye

An expected result of the one night stand, the awkward goodbye isn’t good for anyone. Last night was fun but that was all you wanted; you relieved your stress. While you are preparing for them to leave, they are preparing for you to ask them on another date. As soon as you see their puppy eyes looking into yours, you know the shit has hit the fan. Avoiding eye contact, you talk about other things but they don’t care. Their delicate heart is already fluttering for your touch. At this time, you say your goodbye, and proceed with the normal conversation disengagement rules. Just when you think the band-aid has been torn off, they drop the, “ You should probably take my number so you have some way to get in touch with me.” Ouch.

Quick get-a-way

It’s early in the morning and the alcohol is wearing off. You roll over thinking you are still sleeping in your own bed when you notice the bucktooth donkey drooling all over the pillow was not the same person you went home with. Shit. There is no way you are staying around to hear what they have to say. You gather your clothes but realize one of your socks is missing. Fuck it, any longer around this swamp creature, and you’ll transform yourself. As you open the door, they ruffle the sheets – it’s now or never. You calmly walk past the roommates, through the front door, and break out into a Olympic sprint only to never look back.

Plan - B

Last night didn’t go as planned. The whole pull-out method, well, it didn’t work like it was supposed to. Actually, everything worked but the fucking pull-out. Now, it’s six in the morning and you are shitting yourself over whether you might have committed a Maury-esque offense when you are a college student. You both wake up knowing that, while you don’t remember how the two of you met, you do remember saying to hell with the condom.  What follows can only be described as awkward, uncomfortable, and a moment in your life you wish to forget.

Love

It’s a rare occasion that during your drunken stuper you find the love of your life. But sometimes, yes sometimes, the night turns out to be a good night. The conversation is good, the sex is amazing, and the next morning, you do it all again. That same day, the two of you spend the whole day together running in the park, chasing bunny rabbits through fields, and splashing in the Boulder Creek. What the hell are we talking about? One night stands don’t result in love. They are dirty excuses to put the P in the V without having the strings attached – grrrrrrr baby.