Only man in history to refuse a threesome gets stabbed in the eye for it. Damn right.

Only man in history to refuse a threesome gets stabbed in the eye for it. Damn right.

VicesOctober 09, 2013

In the four billion-ish years that the Earth has been around, no man has ever refused a threesome. No man, except La Crystal King-Woolfork's un-named boyfriend, who paid dearly for his solemn refusal to dance horizontally with two beautiful-ish women.

At about 4AM, drunk La Crystal, who sounds like an absolutely fabulous woman to us, crept into her boyfriends house along with a female friend with the intention of having a little menage a trois (isn't she an angel?). They had just come from a place called the Shake Your Booty club, and if that doesn't give you some idea where their heads were at then...you're stupid. But her boyfriend was all like, "Nawww, babe, I'm sleeping. Maybe next time."

Next time...NEXT TIME? Fuck no, La Crystal's boyfriend. Only once in a lifetime are you presented with the opportunity to bang two chicks at once that easily. La Crystal even tried to entice him by going down on her friend and vice versa, but alas, the land of nod was somehow still more attractive to the boyfriend than the promise of pleasuring two hot and bothered women who've come to your house specifically for sex. Needless to say, the friend was like, "Unnamed friend, OUT," and left.

After vehemently refusing her advances, La Crystal did the only thing she could have. She got a knife stabbed her boyfriend in the eyeball and shoulder before he could get away and call the police.

...What? That's what you get for refusing a threesome.