"Open Letter to the Stereotypical White Girl" makes us wonder how its author survived natural selection
Dear Rooster Reader,
It's fall. Time for daddy's girls with communications degrees to whine about having soooo much money and an uncanny ability to recite lines from Mean Girls. Their chance to name drop Starbucks in a desperate effort to be "real," if you will. National-Pretend-I'm-a-Blogger Day, Ryan Gosling wedding pin boards, and squatting are back; it's like a perfect storm of everything that makes "stereotypical white girls" who they are: the most likely reason why the Earth retaliates against humankind by sending tsunamis and disease to wipe out large portions of the population.
We just have two questions after reading this...First, how did she survive natural selection? And second, we can't help but wonder what it's like to date her. She probably has one move in bed: apologetic missionary, and we're guessing she's one those girls who doesn't give head. If she does, she probably refuses to swallow because her dog is watching. We think she must have cone boobs. Here she is, so you can put a face to this vomit-inducing letter-thing: