The orgasm-themed clothing line that's changing how we talk about female pleasure
Talking about female pleasure can be hard, but it's also hard not to when you're wearing a shirt that says "It's not done if I don't come" in dripping cum letters.
That's exactly the purpose of designer Sofia Metsoviti's new line of orgasm-based clothing, the likes of which bear the not-so-subtle slogan above.
According to The Metro, Metsoviti got the idea “from talking with friends and realizing that often the female orgasm isn’t really considered." She hopes the in-your-face messaging will spark conversation and promote orgasm equality between the sexes.
Orgasm equality, for the uninitiated, refers to the maddeningly wide gap in orgasm rates between men and women. Men orgasm during 95 percent of fuck sessions, but women are only given the chance 57 percent of the time during penetrative sex. This has a lot to do with the fact that the average male can only handle himself for about five minutes before he comes, while women need an average of 18-19 minutes of intercourse to get off. But it's not just the timing differential that creates orgasm inequality — systematic social norms and mis-education from porn, cultural and religious attitudes that tend to prioritize male gratification, a lack of understanding about women’s genitalia, and pressure on women to fake sexual enjoyment to flatter their partners all contribute to men failing to give their partner's a chance to orgasm. We actually talked all about this in a controversial article we published a few months ago titled "If she didn't come, you didn't just have sex."
However, while it's great and important that Metsoviti's shirts blatantly demand female pleasure, some sexual experts like our own Dear Ibby (me, hi) and Alix Fox of The Verge disagree slightly with their messaging. Sometimes, putting too much pressure on women to orgasm makes it harder, even when we're given ample time to do it.
Think of it this way. About 75 percent of women can't orgasm from intercourse alone. They can from masturbation or oral sex, but simple P-in-V doesn't quite do it. So, saying "It's not done if I didn't come" doesn't really make sense in the context of all women during sex. It takes time and a hell of a lot of experimentation to figure out what works for each person in the fuck-fest, so to label sex a failure if it doesn't result in orgasm can be a tad bit unhelpful.
Instead, both Dear Ibby and Fox agree that removing the goal of orgasm during sex can actually help promote it.
“As important as women’s orgasms are, I think it’s vital that we don’t get too hung up on the idea that the whole point of every sexual exchange is to hit ‘The Big O’, and that if both partners don’t climax, you may as well score the entire encounter a big fat zero,” said Fox to Huffington Post. “The very act of over-thinking about orgasms can cause a woman’s climax to disappear.”
Right. Instead of thinking about sex as something you need to finish, it might be more helpful to think about it as something you should both get equal pleasure from. Satisfaction, not necessarily orgasm, is a more attainable outcome that places less boner-killing pressure on both parties.
All that being said, Metsoviti's shirts are a radical and much-needed departure from how women are taught to behave during sex, and in life. We're socialized to be polite and docile and to perform for a man during sex, so asserting that sex should take place on our terms, by our rules, is pretty, pretty awesome. And even if orgasm isn't the goal of sex, female pleasure should still be. "It's not over if I didn't come" can also be taken as "It's not over if you didn't satisfy me." Look no further than this sex advice from lesbians for proof of that.
If you can come from sex and you're not getting there because your partner premature ejaculates or has no idea how to work your body, her shirts are your war cry. And at the very least, they're great conversation starters for your awkward water cooler chat on casual Fridays.