Philadelphia preschooler knows what he wants to be when he grows up: on crack

Philadelphia preschooler knows what he wants to be when he grows up: on crack

VicesOctober 09, 2013

A Philadelphia four-year old figured out what he wants to be when he grows up: on crack.

Slangin' it, sellin' it, baggin' it, smokin' it, whatevs; he don't care.  And he got a head start on his career yesterday when he walked all 30" of himself into his preschool with eight fat dime bags full of crack and nearly $200 in cash on his person. He was feeling pretty gangsta, so he pulled out his cash wad and showed it to his friend who was like, "I'm four, bro." Unimpressed with the ca$h flow, his friend tattled on him to a teacher, who discovered that the mini-drug lord was packing more crack than Whitney Houston's limo on its way to the VMAs. Police raided the school, and the boy-Scarface was sent to a hospital for observation, where he no doubt ripped out his IVs like the Incredible Hulk and Crip-walked to the pharmacy to get some Adderrall to cut his crack with.

No one knows where he got the drugs and cash from, but one thing's for certain; he's no rat. He's been tight-lipped about where it came from, which makes us think he'd be a great jail assassin. God bless America.