Poorly constructed burrito ushers in a gustatory apocalypse, man responds with hilarious but appropriate fury

Poorly constructed burrito ushers in a gustatory apocalypse, man responds with hilarious but appropriate fury

CultureSeptember 29, 2013

We both know that there is nothing on this planet more disheartening and soul-crushing than a poorly made burrito. It's the worst thing that can happen to your mouth. And last week, the worst thing to ever happen happened to this guy's mouth. Look, but not for too long lest you turn to stone.

What the fuck is this? Our eyes just fell out of our head. They shriveled up and died from the overdose of empathy we had for the guy who had to eat this. We would rather starve than put this insult to food anywhere near our face-holes.

The recipient of this demonic rubbage reacted with an appropriate level of fury, lashing out at the creator of this satan-seed with what is probably the funniest bitch-fest about a burrito to ever show it's face on the internet. He warmed up with this eloquent intro...

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today.

...then launched a verbal assault that can only be described as "totally warranted." Behold; pure, 100% unfiltered humor.


 

Holy. Shit. Somebody please get this guy a congratulatory cake with all it's layers and frosting in the right place for responding with what we would consider "appropriate and hilarious restraint," because the man is a winner if we've ever seen one.