Pure cocaine and Mormon hypocrisy: This is your News on Drugs

Pure cocaine and Mormon hypocrisy: This is your News on Drugs

VicesJune 08, 2018 By Reilly Capps

Too lifted to read the news? Every week, we recap the most interesting news in the world of intoxicants, illegal or not. To inform, to liberate. ...

1. Oh, Canada! The Canadian Senate voted to legalize marijuana nationwide. Now the House considers the Senate's bill. If it passes — as expected — rec shops'll open in August or September. Canadians could grow four plants. Americans can travel to Canada without a passport.

2. The stomping has slowed, as European cocaine is purer than at any time in the past decade, a report said. The price of coke, meanwhile, stayed the same. The dark web is partly the cause, as reviewers shame and shun plugs who cut their stims or overcharge.

3. Not surprisingly there's a downside to affordably-priced, high-quality snowflakes, as Europe also saw its cocaine rehab check-ins rise like crazy, up a fifth since 2014. 

4. For a President who's never puffed one spliff or smoked a single bowl of frog venom — and who's dying to murder drug dealers Trump is suddenly woke up as all fucksticks about drugs ... albeit in his own bizarre, contradictory way. This week he pardoned a nonviolent drug trafficker after Kim Kardashian asked him to, said he would support the Gardner-Warren bill to protect state marijuana, and offered to pardon friends of NFL players "treated unfairly by the justice system," many of whom were done dirty by dope laws.

5. Meanwhile, Keebler drug elf Jeff Sessions is sad, after he was left out of Gardner's cannabis meetings at the White House, possibly because Trump realizes good people do smoke marijuana.

6. Psychedelics show more potential, as a Michael Pollan book with a mostly-positive view of psychedelics reached the top of the best seller list, and a researcher found that men who do psychedelics are less likely to beat their wives.

7. Fentanyl test strips are everywhere. The Dollar Tree. Needle exchanges in California. The Ohio health department. Druggies generally don't test their drugs because it wastes good shit, but fent, you'll recall, kills people worse than a medieval dick disease — plus it's shorter-acting than the organics like heroin and morphine, and less euphoric. Maybe free test strips are the answer.

8. God made plants and He also made hypocrites, we learn. The Mormon church got its full-body underwear all in a bunch fighting against Utah's efforts to legalize a green growing flower (latin name Ickytus Stickytus). But a leaked document lets us see the light that the MoMos are a bunch of double talkers, since the church owns stock in pharmaceutical companies, including at least one making opioids. Joseph Smith's boys aren't against drugs — they oppose medicines that don't make them rich.

9. German cops nabbed 50,000 tabs of LSD, the biggest acid bust in the country's history.

10. Canadian cops may need training before weed is sold there. Newbish Toronto mounties raided a dispensary, ganked edibles, ate them while still in uniform, didn't feel anything right away and so ate more, then freaked out so disequilibratingly they radioed paramedics. They were eventually charged with "destroying evidence," instead of the more obvious crime of "not Googling dosages."

11. Seemingly every day, cannabis comes closer to being just another plant: hemp is now regulated like food in Colorado, weed seizures fell by 40 percent in the U.S., Colorado school nurses can use weed on students, the Senate approved medical marijuana for vets, and an Oregon Senator brought cannabis products onto the Senate floor. When asked why he had brought pot, the Senator said he forgot what he was talking about but that he had tickets to Alt-J if anybody wanted them.

[cover photo via Cripplegate]