A relationship guide for the skittish Millennial: Part 2

A relationship guide for the skittish Millennial: Part 2

SexDecember 30, 2015 By Steve Eisman

Last week, I took you through a timeline of “ifs,” “hows” and “whys” regarding the nature of your newly blossomed relationship with that special someone. We looked at how to keep the relationship fresh after the six-month mark, when to expect people to no longer differentiate you two in public, and the things you need to keep in mind when she leaves her toothbrush on your sink or when he’s totally comfortable pulling the covers over your head and trapping you in a cloud of fart.

Aside from fart clouds and the occasional quibble, It goes without saying that not all bases were covered in the first half of this article topic — which presented me with the opportunity to fill in the gaps of my relationship advice with a follow-up piece. For my own piece of mind, I must make it clear yet again that this particular subject is not to advocate for every millennials on earth to bail on whatever plans they might’ve had and hop into a relationship with the first convenient individual that strolls down the street. Far from it. This article is for the contrasts: the people who have already found someone that they genuinely enjoy being with and are interested in maintaining a healthy relationship. And on the other end of the spectrum, for the people who often times associate relationships with the bubonic plague or bird flu.

Take my hand, skittish millennials. And let me show you why your fears are (generally) unfounded and why life isn’t so bad with a good man/woman in the picture. And how every day of the week can be made better with a loved one. 

The Monday Morning Rollout

Monday mornings are awful. Even if you aren’t yet working within the trappings of a conventional “9 to 5” position, an aura of dread can be found wafting around the beginning of the work week, ready to rattle your steely reserve and forcefully separate you from that awesome attitude towards your job that you’ve been trying to adhere to for the better part of a month.

One of the first things you’ll notice and appreciate when being in a relationship is that your significant other probably has to go to work at some point too. Having someone to share the pain of being in the Monday morning trenches makes the entire ordeal much more manageable. Would both of you rather stay in bed ‘til 11 while oscillating between fucking and polishing off a strong pot of coffee? Without question. But bills, booze and burritos aren’t cheap (collectively speaking). So if you have to work, at least share the misery with someone you care about.

Hump Day

It’s Wednesday! Which can mean a number of different things. Your insanity will remain intact for at least one more week. Thursdays are fairly tolerable and the thought of 5 PM on Friday evening leaves a glimmer of hope alive in your eyes. But for now, it’s still Wednesday. Come home to your man/woman and relish in that for a second or two. Hump day is the mascot of enduring sanity when it comes to your professional life. It’s not enough of a respite to go meet up with your friends for a fiasco, but it’s just enough breathing room to go do something enjoyable with your better half instead. Something that won’t land you in jail or coughing up peanut shells from the Walrus for the next five days.

Being Social and Unimpressive

This one is my personal favorite. Social gatherings are no longer something that you need to “dress to impress” for. That doesn’t mean look like a degenerate slob, but you’re probably attending this event with bae. Which means there’s no need for you to bust out the clutch threads and call in the A-class barber/stylist you use to spend 75 bucks on every two weeks. Dude knows what you look like. Babe knows what you look like. A button up/sundress will do just fine. The majority of people at the event will be wishing they were you guys. You two have claimed each other. Now all you have to do is mingle and be friendly.

No More Sunday Blues

Sunday afternoons: a period of the week that rests on the precipice of an imminent Monday morning (see bullet point number one). For this reason alone, Sunday afternoons are riddled with junk food, excessive drinking and just about anything else that provides a buffer from the start of a new workweek. Luckily, your once sad, Sunday ritual of eating 42 hot wings and putting down several cans of mediocre beer is suddenly much more upbeat and joyful because you’re doing it with someone else. Now I know what you’re thinking, misery loves company. But that’s not the point I’m trying to make. Whether it’s not leaving your couch for nine hours straight, going on a hike or binge-watching a new series, Sunday-Funday-Fuck off days are better when done with someone you’re comfortable being around — not because you two are trying to ward off the disdain for the inevitable work week (even though you are), but because it’s a period of time during the week when both of your obligation lists are at an all time low. Might as well enjoy the fleeting moments of nothingness with your plus one. It’ll make you appreciate the nothingness that much more.