The Relationship Test

The Relationship Test

SexJuly 07, 2013

Relationships are great until they go bad. In the throes of lust and excitement, daters tend to look past important shortcomings in search of a relationship. It’s best to find out faults and incompatibilities before you get in too deep, so here, use these tests to see if the one in your sights is really worth the chase. 

The Trip Test
Being away from the familiar brings out the crazy in everyone. Airport security brings out the high-maintenance crazy quickly. If the trip is long enough, a month or even a week can provide a pretty good idea of what living with a person is like. Hotel rooms force you to live in close quarters, so this is a test of wits. How long you can put up with each other’s shit? Who’s the morning person? Who snores? Who has sex with the concierge? (The answer should be both of you).

The Road Trip Test
Road trips are a trip of another nature. It’s one thing to be in a plane for four hours, then be able to escape in time for a shower and some you time, but being confined for days in a small, hot box will test your limits. Your partner could surprise you: get the right candy, keep you awake, and make the fun of the trip getting there. But they may decide the vehicle is their own personal karaoke bar and make you consider veering into oncoming traffic. Road trips are a good long-term test because, if you can stand to be together in the middle, the end will be well worth the drive.

The Friends Test
Take the new addition out with your friends. If the partner in question goes off and fucks your best friend, flirts with everybody or puts everyone down, he probably isn’t for you. Think about it, can you really have a relationship with someone like that? If so, that’s cool, but if not, it’s a good thing to learn before you get too invested. Also, your friends are great people to bounce a new person off of. They presumably know you better than you know yourself and will be able to see what your lust-fogged judgment can’t.

The Favorite Things Test
Take her to an event, a concert, a 5K, whatever flips your switch. If she in question ends up having a great time, that’s a good sign. If she is on her phone the whole time and acting impatient, you know you need to walk. If you can’t have fun doing things you like, what will you have fun doing? This test is best coupled with the Friends Test for optimum results.

The Sex Talk Test
This talk well known yet seldom practiced. Starting a relationship off with a casual encounter is always exhilarating, but sometimes even the kinkiest sex gets boring if it’s all you do. Plus, not knowing about a disease or kid right off the bat can spell disaster. Sexual compatibility is enormously important to any monogamous relationship. Each of you deserves to get all of your cards out on the table. Talk about what you like to give, what you like to get, and how you like to get it. Laying down ground rules and being accommodating can open worlds you’ve never seen before. By just talking it out, you could have the time of your life tomorrow.

The Sober Test
You probably met her when you were drunk if your activities all seem to include drinking. Try being sober with her for an entire day and see what happens. Are they actually boring? Are they really as stupid as a box of rocks? Seeing your new someone without prescription liquor lenses is pretty much like seeing her for the very first time

The Clinger Test
Take a moment away from each other and see how it all goes down. If they blow up your phone demanding your whereabouts and company… run. If they let you have a good time and maybe even hit you up for a booty call later on that night. Have fun.

The Booty Call Test
If you think you’re the booty call it’s easy to find out. Try to hang out with them during daylight hours and perform the sober test. If they fail; walk, or just accept the nature of the relationship and have fun. 

The Parents Test
This test can be skipped if you don’t really like your parents, or don’t see them very often. For some people passing the Parents Test is a quintessential judge of a situation. If they get along great, but keep in mind your parents may not be the best judge of what you want out of a relationship. And, be warned, with no fail your mom will ask, “What ever happened to Kelly? She was such a sweet girl.” Most importantly, if a Momma’s Boy or Daddy’s Girl is not your style, you’ll find out here. - Alyssa Serres