Rooster's highly unconventional Gift Guide for 2017
The carols are soul numbing, the weather is uncomfortable, Starbucks cups are probably pissing everyone off and your family wants to pretend like you’re one of them when deep down you know you’re actually not — must be holiday season again. For that, behold, the only Gift Guide you’re gonna need this year or ever.
Friends + Mooches
“Take a Drink” says one spot on the board; “Smoke a Bowl” says another. It’s like everyone’s favorite board game but with more brain cells at stake. It makes the perfect gift for someone else because you’ll probably end up using it too.
How convenient it is for someone to have solved the millennia-old issue of drinking coffee from one thing and smoking dank nugs out of another. The combination mug/pipe belongs in a cultural museum, but can be yours to gift ganja in style.
Whether you vape, dab, toke or roll, the Toker Poker® is your go-to tool — with tamper, hemp wick and lighter all in the same place. This soulfully designed lighter sleeve provides essential tools needed to enjoy a good smoke. Use “ROOSTER25” at checkout for 25 percent discount online (offer expires 12/31/17).
Dipper by Dipstick Vapes
The Dipper is a unique multi-functional concentrate vaporizer. The innovative Vapor Tip Atomizer is a convenient and simple way to dab without a rig and torch or any loading. The Quartz Crystal Atomizer allows the user to load the Dipper like a traditional pack-and-go pen, but get a true dab hit. Use code “ROOST” for 10 percent off at checkout
Mom + Pop
Dixie CBD Box
Coming together in its own fancy handcrafted box, the SYNERGY products from Dixie are bound to cure what ails the ‘rents. The package includes a relief balm, chocolate edible bar and the ability to personalize the third inclusion.
Nothing says “I love you” quite like replacing the booze you stole years ago from Mom and Dad’s cabinet. With Crazy Mountain and Avery specialty bombers, to Breckenridge’s new Oak Aged Saison, to Crystal Head Vodka and Hochstadter Rock & Rye collections, options are endless.
It’s basic and shows a complete lack of forethought on your part, but a small wooded ficus arranged nicely in a dish by a complete stranger has long been a solid go-to. It proves you’re a shitty kid, but hey, you tried.
Sister + Brother
Books are a hot new trend taking over the entertainment market with their indestructible design, infinite battery life and ability to make everyone appear smarter just by holding them. There’s lots of them out there, have fun.
Locally Owned Bookstores
Using those miracles of evolution to stand on is a thing of the past. With Sitpack — a completely portable chair designed with the structure of a beer can in mind — your loved ones can “take a seat” anywhere with little fanfare.
Recently toppling its Kickstarter campaign to start production, the new Heelight smartbulb “hears” its surroundings and cycles through brilliant displays to perform with the noise. Colors and effects dance like no one’s watching.
Through hard work and finally paying off settlements to multiple county offices, we’ve made it alright to admit in public you and your friends support Rooster Magazine. Hats, shirts, hoodies, koozies, mugs, art — find what you need at the Rooster Store online.
The world’s first THC and live resin terpene-infused aerosol inhaler is the perfect gift for those looking for a soothing buzz without smoke & with discretion. With flavors like Grape Ape, Flo, & Sour Diesel, the AeroInhaler contains 1000 MGs with 10 MG per dose. The future will be inhaled.
The Passport Program
The Passport Program offers pocket-sized field guides full of 2-for-1 craft beverages all winter long in Denver, Boulder and Fort Collins. You can also snag a Mountain Passport, a field guide designed to explore the après lifestyle in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains. All books are $20 and available at
Look at you, gettin’ all hot for the holidays. In that endeavor, Satya Kama Cream is here to help. Made with five different organic or non-GMO ingredients, the body cream/personal lubricant is about as natural as they cum. Use coupon code “Solstice” for 10 percent off your first order of $100 or more.
Love smoking weed but also frightened about what it might be doing to your lungs? Locally owned SilverStick has one solution. About the size of a cigarette, the sleek design employs the help of replaceable cotton filters to get the gunk. It looks classy as fuck too.
Know anyone who says witty shit all the time and simply needs to cap it with a mic drop to go legendary status? Quit wasting
hundreds of dollars on real microphones that break when you can gift a heavy paperweight for the same effect.
Spouting off classic contemporary mantras such as, “Fuck it dude,” “F-f-f-f-fuck it” and the classic, “FUCK IT!” shout, the Fuck-It Button is all you’ll ever need to express exactly how you feel right now.
Laser Guided Pizza Cutter
What’s worse than cutting a pizza into slices with an aberrant slant? … Nothing, exactly. Which is why adding a guide to the top, like the NAVY’s AN/SEQ-3 Laser Weapon System, is literally the greatest feat of all mankind.
Ostrich Napping Pillow
You’re old, worthless and just want some damn peace and quiet for once. Enter the Ostrich Napping Pillow, a head envelope made for seclusion. With patented light-blocking technology and added airhole, never be bothered by the public again.