Rooster's Ultimate Sex Survey 2014: The results are in, and you're weirder than we thought

Rooster's Ultimate Sex Survey 2014: The results are in, and you're weirder than we thought

SexFebruary 14, 2014

Welcome to Rooster's Ultimate Sex Survey, a place where the good, the bad, and the ugly coalesce in an amalgamation of mind-blowing revelations that will forever change the way you look at your friends and lovers. It's big, it's bold, it's naughty, and after a month of collecting responses, the results are in. Read on to see what's going on in the dirty minds of Rooster readers near and far.

GENTLEMEN

If you were single, would you sleep with your best opposite-sex friend?

  • Yes                                      68%
  • No                                       32%

If you could make your penis bigger, would you?

  • Yes                                      50%
  • No                                       50%

How satisfied are you with your current sex life?

  • Not satisfied at all               18%
  • Somewhat satisfied            32%
  • I’m doing better than most  34%
  • I’m a rockstar                      16%

How often do you have sex?

  • Once a day                         23%
  • Once a week                      32%
  • Twice a month                    25%
  • Once every six months      14%
  • Once a year                         6%

What would you like more of in the bedroom?

  • A little pain                           8%
  • Experimentation                 53%
  • Dirty talk                             23%
  • Toys                                      7%
  • Role play                               9%

You love online porn.

  • Strongly agree                     14%
  • Agree                                   48%
  • Disagree                              13%
  • Strongly disagree                  2%
  • Indifferent                             23%

Do you try things you see in porn?

  • Yes                                       73%
  • No                                        27%

Have you learned the most about sex through porn?

  • Yes                                      16%
  • No                                        84%

Do you wish your sexual life resembled the porn you watch?

  • Yes                                      23%
  • No                                       77%

How do you feel you compare to other guys when it comes to bedroom skills?

  • Expert                                 20%
  • Above average                   54%
  • Average                              23%
  • Below average                      2%
  • Amature                                1%

 

On a scale of one to five, five being the kinkiest, how kinky are you?

  • 1                                            2%
  • 2                                          13%
  • 3                                          41%
  • 4                                          37%
  • 5                                            7%

How cautious are you when it comes to safe sex?

  • Not very                                 9%
  • Not as much as I should be 38%
  • Most of the time                   38%
  • All of the time                       15%

Have you accidentally gotten someone pregnant, resulting in an abortion?

  • Yes                                       14%
  • No                                        86%

Which would most likely be a reason you’d have sex with someone you didn’t like?

  • Pity                                       11%
  • Desperation                         27%
  • Spite                                    20%
  • Bored                                   43%

Have you ever texted nude photos of yourself?

  • Yes                                      64%
  • No                                       36%

Have you ever tried to seduce a girl using by Snapchatting a picture of yourself?

  • Yes                                      15%
  • No                                       85%

What item would be an immediate deal breaker if you found it in a girl’s house?

  • Used condom                     68%
  • “Magic Mike” poster             5%
  • Pictures of an ex                23%
  • Stuffed animals                    4%

Under what conditions do you prefer sex?

  • Lights on                            32%
  • Lights off                            25%
  • Candlelight                         23%
  • Daylight                              20%

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

  • Yes                                     50%
  • No                                      50%

What’s the ideal point at which to have sex for the first time?

  • First date                           13%
  • Second date                      55%
  • One month                         27%
  • Two months                         2%
  • More than two months         4%

How long should a girl stay at your place after sleeping together?

  • Until the next morning         36%
  • Leave after 30 minutes         4%
  • The whole next day              7%
  • Depends on the sex           50%
  • Immediately after                 4%

If you’re in a relationship, at what point does cheating start?

  • Texting                                7%
  • Facebook friends               1%
  • Hanging out                     20%
  • Hooking up                      73%

Have you ever cheated on someone?

  • Yes                                 48%
  • No                                  52%

What would make you cheat on someone?

  • Boring sex life                  16%
  • No emotional connection 41%
  • You’re just a slut              18%
  • Fell for someone else      25%

Biggest turn off in a girl?

  • Being a bitch                   44%
  • Shy                                    5%
  • Snobby                            46%
  • Too nice                             1%
  • Talking too much                4%

How have you spied on your partner?

  • Gone through stuff           11%
  • Checked texts/emails      39%
  • Logged into Facebook      7%
  • Stalked                              4%
  • Never have spied            39%

Your ultimate fantasy involves

  • Multiple partners             59%
  • Role playing                     7%
  • S&M                               13%
  • Public sex                       20%
  • Being watched                  2%

What’s the hottest thing a girl can do in bed?

  • Talk dirty                          29%
  • Take control                    46%
  • Let you take control        14%
  • Role play                          4%
  • Make you beg for it          7%

Who/what do you fantasize about the most?

  • Your girlfriend                 21%
  • Your girlfriend’s friends     5%
  • Older women                    5%
  • Celebrities                         1%
  • Singled-out body parts like boobs or butt   20%
  • Other girls                        48%

What’s the most important thing to have in common in a relationship?

  • Taste in music                 14%
  • Sex drive                         38%
  • Mutual friends                   0%
  • Professional interests       5%
  • Personal hobbies 4           3%

What’s your favorite position?

  • Girl-on-top                       30%
  • Missionary                         7%
  • Doggy style                     46%
  • Standing up                       7%
  • From the side                  10%

You have sex sober

  • Always                            15%
  • Usually                            41%
  • Sometimes                      29%
  • Rarely                              13%
  • Never                                2%

How important is it that the girl gets off too during sex?

  • Very important                  40%
  • Somewhat important         40%
  • Not very important            15%
  • Couldn't care less               5%

Have you ever had an STD?

  • Yes                                   14%
  • No                                    86%

Do you have a nickname for your penis?

  • The evil bone (only one in her)
  • Mr. Johnson
  • BB (Beer Bottle dick)
  • Mjolnir (hammer of Thor)
  • Le Peep
  • Sargent Charles
  • Archer
  • Terminator
  • Meathook

What’s one piece of advice you have for girls giving oral sex?

  • At least act like you’re into it
  • Start slow and build up momentum, teasing is always great
  • Use your lips and tongue real good
  • Learn to use your hands in conjunction with your mouth
  • Don’t forget about the balls
  • More tongue
  • The whole thing, not just the head
  • No teeth, ever!

What’s your worst sexual experience?

I received my first handjob in the driver’s seat of my car sophomore year of high school. Next to me in the passenger seat was my best friend getting blown by the best friend of the girl that was tugging my boat. They stopped hooking up to watch me get my first hand job, so I couldn’t get it up due to the embarrassment. My girl started crying because she thought it was her fault she couldn’t get it up, but continued pounding my meat anyway. I eventually got to 42 percent chub (calculated) so I had a crying slut jerking me off with 42 percent chub. In approximately 37.5 (calculated) seconds, I came all over my brand new shirt. My girl eventually notices this, stops crying, and says “oh, you came.” Don’t forget that my best friend and his slammerdoodle are watching this whole thing, so they start cracking up at my lack of libido and the whole situation. My best friend gives me a friendly little slap on the chest while making fun of me, and gets my own semen on his hand. Instead of freaking out, he calmly swipes my semen across the face of my girl and says “this is where it should be.” This actually fucking happened. I laid in bed and cried for two hours after this.

 

LADIES, LADIES, LADIES

How cautious are you when it comes to safe sex?

  • Not very                                    5%
  • Not as much as I should be    20%
  • Most of the time                      34%
  • All of the time                          41%

Have you ever had an STD?

  • Yes                                         20%
  • No                                          80%

Do you like porn?

  • Yes                                        70%
  • No                                         30%

Would you, or have you, had a same-sex experience?

  • Yes                                       62%
  • No                                        38%

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

  • Yes                                      83%
  • No                                       17%

Why would you fake an orgasm?

  • Not into the guy                      6%
  • Because it doesn’t feel that good 5%
  • To get it over with so you can go to sleep 32%
  • Want to make the guy feel good about himself 57%

Under what circumstances would you have a threesome?

  • Only if they are friends          22%
  • Only if they are a stranger     47%
  • With someone more experienced   25%
  • With someone less experienced      5%

What’s most important in the bedroom for you?

  • Stamina                                13%
  • Size                                        5%
  • Sensual                                59%
  • Spontaneous                        23%

You would immediately leave a guy’s place if you saw

  • A picture of an ex                 45%
  • Action figures collection       10%
  • Porn collection                     11%
  • A dirty bathroom                  24%
  • Bob Marley posters             10%

How long do you expect a guy to stay around after sex?

  • Whole night and morning    64%
  • Leave immediately                7%
  • Stay until I fall asleep          22%
  • Stay for the next day             8%

How have you spied on your partner?

  • Gone through stuff              14%
  • Checked texts/emails         47%
  • Logged into Facebook          3%
  • Stalked                                 4%
  • Never spied on anyone      32%

Do you have a nickname for your vagina?

  • No                                     91%
  • Yes                                     9%

What do you want your guy to bring into the bedroom?

  • Whips and masks            22%
  • Food and chocolate          6%
  • Videos and toys              34%
  • Champagne and roses   38%

What’s a sure way to give you an orgasm?

  • Oral sex                          28%
  • Finger play                      27%
  • Intercourse                      25%
  • Go it alone                       20%

Your greatest fantasy most likely involves

  • Threesome                     13%
  • Girl on girl                       17%
  • Public indecency            32%
  • Celebrities                      12%
  • S&M                               22%
  • Sex with a stranger          4%

When you’re into a guy, you most likely

  • Touch him when you talk 51%
  • Laugh at everything he says 21%
  • Talk a lot                          14%
  • Ignore him                         7%
  • Act shy                              7%

If you’re in a relationship, at what point does cheating start?

  • Texting                            16%
  • Facebook friends              2%
  • Sexting                           49%
  • Hooking up                     33%

On a scale of one to five, five being the kinkiest, how kinky are you?

  • 1                                      3%
  • 2                                    11%
  • 3                                    39%
  • 4                                    37%
  • 5                                    10%

Have you ever cheated on someone?

  • Yes                               46%
  • No                                54%

What would make you cheat on someone?

  • Boring sex life                11%
  • No emotional connection33%
  • You’re just a slut             13%
  • Fell for someone else     43%

You have sex sober

  • Always                              6%
  • Usually                            56%
  • Sometimes                      31%
  • Rarely                                5%
  • Never                                 2%

What’s your biggest turn on?

  • Sense of humor               47%
  • Money                               1%
  • Intelligence                      19%
  • Looks                               11%
  • Kind and sweet                22%

What’s your biggest turn off?

  • Cockiness                        18%
  • Lack of intelligence          31%
  • Bad work ethic                   9%
  • Bad in bed                       10%
  • Talks too much                  3%
  • Too nice                             5%
  • Asshole                            24%

What’s your favorite position?

  • Girl on top                        26%
  • Missionary                       14%
  • Doggy style                     50%
  • Standing up                       3%
  • From the side                    8%

How often do you think about sex?

  • Constantly                       30%
  • Once or twice a day        55%
  • Once or twice a week     10%
  • Few times a month           4%
  • Never                                1%

What time of day do you most like to have sex?

  • In the morning                15%
  • After work                         5%
  • Right before bed             17%
  • Late night                        20%
  • Literally anytime              47%

How do you feel you compare to other girls when it comes to bedroom skill?

  • Expert                               9%
  • Above average               53%
  • Average                          33%
  • Below average                 3%
  • Amature                           2%

Have you ever had to use Plan B?

  • Yes                                 65%
  • No                                  35%

What’s the hottest thing a guy can do in the bed?

  • Talk dirty                        10%
  • Take control                   75%
  • Tet you take control         2%
  • Role play                         4%
  • Make you beg for it        10%

Who/what do you fantasize about the most?

  • Your boyfriend               49%
  • Your boyfriend’s friends  5%
  • Older men                     11%
  • Celebrities                     14%
  • Single body parts like abs or arms 7%
  • Strangers                      14%

What’s the most important thing to have in common in a relationship?

  • Taste in music                 5%
  • Sex drive                       30%
  • Mutual friends                 9%
  • Professional interests     6%
  • Personal hobbies          50%

What’s the ideal point to have sex for the first time?

  • First date                         4%
  • Second date                  31%
  • One month                    49%
  • Two months                     8%
  • 2+ months                       8%

Have you ever texted nude photos of yourself?

  • Yes                                77%
  • No                                 33%

What's more important, your pleasure or theirs?

  • Yours                             25%
  • Theirs                            28%
  • Should be equal            47%

Have you ever used Snapchat to seduce a guy?

  • Yes                                29%
  • No                                 71%

Which would most likely be a reason you’d sleep with someone you didn’t like?

  • Pity                                27%
  • Desperation                  21%
  • Boredom                       42%
  • To make them leave     10%

What would you like more of in the bedroom?

  • A little pain                    23%
  • Experimentation           47%
  • Dirty talk                       14%
  • Toys                              15%

If you could make your boobs bigger, would you?

  • Yes                               46%
  • No                                54%

Most common household item you’ve masturbated with?

  • Hairbrush
  • Travel toothbrush holder
  • Shower gel bottle
  • My hubby’s hammer
  • Mobile phone
  • Vibrating toothbrush
  • Non-vibrating toothbrush
  • Empty prescription bottle
  • Back massager
  • Hair dryer
  • Umbrellas - knob type
  • Vegetables
  • Screwdriver
  • Pen

Do you have a name for your lady parts?

  • Cobwebs
  • Sluthole
  • Lady bits
  • Miss V
  • Miss J
  • Kitty
  • Lucy
  • Jigglypuff
  • Whoha
  • The girls
  • The flower

What’s your worst sexual experience?

This guy I had just started dating was fucking me doggy-style. I wasn’t really in to him and couldn’t help but be more repulsed by him with each thrust. Just when I thought I couldn’t want to puke more than I already did, while inside me he says, “my mom really likes you.” I stopped answering his phone calls and moved 2,000 miles away to Colorado immediately.

My boyfriend counted down before he came. And when he did go, he said “boom goes the dynamite.”

Tiny Tim tried to overcompensate for his little wang by ramming as hard as he could. Hip bones thrusting into my pelvis is not pleasant in the least! And no, I still couldn’t feel him.

What’s one rule guys should know when it comes to giving oral sex?

  • Less is more unless she encourages more. It doesn’t need to be bulldozed for fuck sake.
  • Do it. Always. Unless the girl tells you not to. She will spend so much more time on you and be much more likely to fuck you again. Even if you’re not good, it’s the thought that counts.
  • Take it slow and sensual. Treat my clit like it’s the last time you’ll lick your favorite ice cream cone.
  • If you enjoy it, she will too.
  • Repitition
  • Clean your god damn face and mouth
  • You’re not a dog with a water bowl
  • Slow down and focus on her. It’s all about the clit!
  • If a girl is going mad over what you’re doing, keep doing it! don’t take that as a sign to change things up.
  • Don’t you fucking dare bite
  • Tease her until she begs
  • Learn the anatomy of the clitoris
  • Just because she's into it doesn't mean you should go faster and harder. You're not going down on a dick.