Sexual intercourse is the latest thing hoverboards have ruined

Sexual intercourse is the latest thing hoverboards have ruined

SexDecember 23, 2015 By Isabelle Kohn

Man, sex is hard work, all that pumping and gyrating and bouncing can really wear out your knees. Wouldn't it be great if there was some sort of contraption that did the work for you? Some kind of precariously balanced platform to rest your weight on? Maybe something with wheels and strobing lights and crazy colors that El Salvedorean refugees sell on the street? Something extra-corporeal that you could use to propel your boner back and forth in and out of whatever apple pie you're fucking so you don't have to DIY? 

Ladies and gentlemen, meet America's new favorite sex toy: the hoverboard.

Sexually active men and women of this great nation are now officially using them during sex, and the hoversex is so good, that one Twitter user @Baepernik described it as "lit." Well then!

Check it out:

Broadly recently probed this new sexual movement by talking to a coupla' youngsters about their relationships to hoverboards and what they thought of this hoversex thing.

When interviewees Julia and Drew were asked whether they thought hoverboards were sexy, they both seemed turned off by hoverboards but mildly intrigued by the prospect of using them for sex.

"There is literally nothing sexy about a hoverboard," said Julie in the interview. "They're about as sexy as a boomerang." Oookay then. Putting away the boomerang dildo ...

Drew brought up a good point: "But hoverboards aren't even that expensive! They're like the Ed Hardy of shit you can put beneath your feet." That being said, Drew admitted he's asked his girlfriend for "hoversex" several times.

Okay, so we're all in agreement then: hoverboards are inexpensive and stupid and not sexy, but you should still have sex on them because weeeee!

Great! That means we can add one more thing to this list:

Things hoverboards have ruined:

1. Walking

2. Hovering

3. Boards

4. Faith in humanity

5. The sex

6. This post