Sharp drop in Denver homicides this year sure to disappoint state's murderous villains

Sharp drop in Denver homicides this year sure to disappoint state's murderous villains

VicesApril 04, 2014

Welcome to Denver, land of Less-Homicides-Than-Last-Year! So far this year, the number of Denver homicides fell sharply compared with the the same period last year, city officials said Friday, a statement that was sure to dishearten the state's shadowy figures and evil villains.

A mere eight people have been murdered in Denver since the start of 2014, which is almost half as many as this time last year. Many believe this is a clear sign that the state's serial killers and drug lords have taken a hiatus from carnage, perhaps putting their energy into other hobbies such as topiary grooming and square dancing, leaving the streets free and mostly clear of slaughtering. Are you booking your ticket to Denver as we speak?

But, it's difficult to celebrate the decrease in bloodshed since murdering tends to increase in the summer and winter holidays. Who knows what the warmer months and Thanksgiving will bring?

The number of homicides in Denver over the past five years are:

• 2009 total 49; six in first quarter.

• 2010 total 41; eight in first quarter.

• 2011 total 49; nine in first quarter.

• 2012 total 42; 10 in first quarter

• 2013 total 48; 14 first quarter

But Denver isn't the only American city laying off the murdering lately; a national decrease in homicide that began in 2003 is showing historic lows even in America's deadliest cities like Chicago and New York City. Could this be a sign that humanity is transitioning from instinct-driven Neanderthals to high-minded sophists more interested in Mozart than murder? Or, is this just a temporary dip in death that, like the calm before the storm, foreshadows an impending apocalypse? Either way,  it's often said that less is more, and that's certainly true in the case of murder. Now go out there, and enjoy Denver's many beautiful, slightly less fatal offerings.