Show Experience: Last Saturday's Big Gig was a gaggle of goodness with a bevy of babes

Show Experience: Last Saturday's Big Gig was a gaggle of goodness with a bevy of babes

MusicJuly 21, 2014

Words: McClain Morris / Photos: Miles Chrisinger

After attending Area 93.3’s Big Gig we are vowing to never let our daughter’s listen to Panic! At The Disco. On second thought, we just vow to never have daughters...

Anyone who listens to 93.3 knows that Nerf loves to make us laugh out loud at 5:00, but his real LOL was telling everyone to get there at 1:30. In fact, the doors didn’t even open until about a quarter to 2. We’re adorned with porcelain skin and couldn’t survive waiting in lines with teenagers filled with angst and sexual repression for longer than 10 minutes. Therefore, we took to the grass, popped open some beers and waited for the event staff to begin herding in the masses. We quickly made friends acting homeless in the shade and when we all entered they invited us to join them for bodily warmed shots and a spot on their blanket in the GA seating. This set the tone for what we felt was another glorious evening.

Throughout the entirety of it all we watched in awe as another hot, sweaty, beef of a Big Gig was upon us. As always we spent the brunt of our time observing the crowd between our obvious tasks of band fawning, but we also took notes, and we want to share them with everyone:

Slave to fashion

Sitting with the riffraff on the hill was probably the best decision we’ve ever made (next to flossing and being born). The hill gave us an aerial view of everything going on, from the hippie-flower-children making crowns out of grass blades to the elderly couple that’s too old to make out in public, yet too old to care. Needless to say, we were ecstatic.

The main spectacle was the gaggle of young boys wearing glittery suit coats with button ups, skinny jeans, and some form of Converse. This would’ve been a fun, edgy statement on a brisk fall day, but in the dead of summer, they just looked miserable. When they casually passed by - hair glistening from their scalp sweat, beads of perspiration slowly creeping down their temple - we couldn’t help but stare and wonder, “Are these guys simply die hard Panic! At The Disco fans, or slaves to this beast we call fashion?”

We may never know...shame.

Enter: The creation of the superfan

When we were rounding the corner to the concession stand sometime mid-afternoon,we were hit with an overwhelming sense of panic. No, this is not the Panic! one feels while at a Disco, it was the type of panic associated with an absurdly long beer line. We thanked the lord of all things alcohol that it was only the line for merchandise and watched while tweens and 30-year-old rad-dads waited in sweltering heat for a concert tee, the one true uniform of the superfan.

The hot commodity of the evening was an overpriced pair of workout shorts that read, “Are you nasty?” on the butt. Not being nasty enough has been a lifelong insecurity of ours at The Rooster, so we preordered enough for the entire staff. Now we will know when we aren't being nasty enough. #blessed

Later in the night when Panic! At The Disco came on there was a sea of teeny boppers wearing these fancy shorts chanting, “We are nasty!" Congratulations, dad. Ergo, why we refuse to spawn daughters.

Local’s Only stage surprise

Suits and over developed tweens aside, there was plenty of good music to be shared at Big Gig. One act that stood out to us on the Local’s Only stage isn’t even a local band at all. Magic Man, hailing from the beautiful city of Boston, decided to play on the local’s stage instead of on the main one. The event begged us the question: An audience vs. a crowd?

While they could have played to an amphitheater brimming full of potential fans, they opted for the smaller, more intimate venue, which made their performance that much more special and authentic.

Music, floating drums, and exclamation points!

If you were unable to make Big Gig this year, but proudly boasted on social media that you were going anyway, don’t worry, we got your back, you lying bastards. Here are some key takeaways:

MS MR does an amazing rendition of “Dance Yrself Clean” by LCD Soundsystem. Although 95% of the audience had no idea who LCD Soundsystem is, we knew...and we appreciated it.

Twenty One Pilots does cocaine on stage. Just kidding, but we wouldn’t be surprised if they were shot gunning Red Bulls backstage. Lead singer, Tyler Joseph had such an abundance of energy that he chose to run laps around the audience. Also, they crowd surfed with a drum set, which was pretty fucking awesome.

Panic! At The Disco had a giant light-up exclamation point and the entire band wore full suits while performing. We also noticed one tween girl in particular who could, not, even, handle the sheer amount of visual stimulation and ended up crying tears of pure sexually repressed joy. This was a common theme throughout the venue all day.

Next year’s tips:

Bring food so you don’t end up doing a late night Wendy’s run. The only line longer than the merch line was the line to get food. We will pay $12 dollars for a beer - that’s all fine and dandy - but we’ll be damned before we shell out $9 dollars for an overcooked Costco hotdog. That’s pure blasphemy.

Make sure you make it to the Locals Only Stage. We love supporting Denver's teeming music scene and were also fans of the copious amounts of open space - so much more room for activities! We started a hand stand contest between some Magic Man groupies, which abruptly ended when one fan did a backflip and put us all to shame. But again, less security means more shenanigans. No parents, no rules.

If you’re so inclined and aren’t fond of overpriced beverages, pre-drink before the show. Get creative, you lazy alcoholics, and figure it out; we won’t do all the work for you.

That’s it. The only tips we really care about are related to food, booze and locals. We hope to see everyone next year laden with Panic! merch, stomachs full of vodka, and pockets bursting with convenient and delicious beef jerky.

Click this pretty link to see our Big Gig Photo Gallery