Sorry Craigslist, this new threesome app is much easier and less creepy than you

Sorry Craigslist, this new threesome app is much easier and less creepy than you

SexMarch 13, 2014

The monotony of single-partner sex got you down? Great news, there's an app for that. It's a threesome app called 3nder and it's made setting up group sex easier than ever. It won’t be ready until mid-April, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start thinking about the copious amounts of booty just waiting to holler at us once it launches. And don't worry if you can't pronounce '3nder.' It's not like you're going to be doing a whole lot of talking.

We want you to get in on this action too, so here’s what you do.  Set up a profile and describe your desires. Couples, single, gay, straight, transgender, or into naughty lunch meat? Cool with us, it doesn’t matter on 3nder. You should be able to find some people who want to get freaky. Other users will browse your desires and if you’re a match, menage-a-trois it up. You can block your family and friends from finding your profile too, so it’s semi-anonymous, and shields you from the trauma of finding your parent’s profile.

And you know, we’re so excited for April; we can barely keep it in our pants. Instead of patiently waiting, because we don't do patience, we’re setting up our profile now so we can fine-tune it for when the app makes its debut. Check it:

Rooster’s 3nder Profile

I’m just a fun, easy-going magazine, but I'm not looking for a good time. I'm looking for a great time. Can host in Boulder. Hoping for some GGG girls or guys to empty my adult-child kegerator into. I’ll challenge you all to an epic game of ping-pong, two against one. If I win, you both get tied up; if you win, you’ll tie me up ... to one of our magazine kiosks. Ooh, baby. Then the fun really starts. I have a kiddy pool that we can fill with Sriracha sauce if you’re looking to get really spicy. But, we could also take it easy and go full-on double-wheelbarrow on my fancy, micro-suede couches. There’s nothing hotter or classier than getting ass on a fine, micro-suede couch ("it's from IKEA," I'll whisper into your ear). Afterwards, we can clean each other up in my office shower, because it never gets used and we're worried the pipes will burst if we don't turn it on at some point ... and there can be no trace that this ever happened. There will be no talking or contact afterwards, unless you’re just itching for some more cock-a-doole-doo. Must be disease free, but if you bring drugs, you better be ready to share. There’s also enough cleverly hidden liquor in this office to get any kind of threesome going, so please, please, please come over anytime after 5 p.m. because that's when my boss stops pretending to work leaves. Can't wait to see your boobs or lack thereof!