Strange Therapy: why the one-night stand is good for you

Strange Therapy: why the one-night stand is good for you

SexApril 11, 2013

For years the one-night stand has been stigmatized as the ugly cousin of the casual hook-up; plagued by the universal rules of no names, no lights and absolutely no contact the next day. In reality though, the nuances that define the shame of the one nighter – no strings attached, uninhibited pleasure, no awkward relationship – are the exact emotional disconnects that save us from ourselves.

We live controlled lives with calculated habits, constantly searching for the perfect person, job and lifestyle. Sometimes, you just have to say “fuck it” and see where the wind takes you. We aren’t saying fall into the sack of the first wildebeest that roams around the corner of the bar, but as you’ll see in the following reasons why a one-night stand is good for you, there are plenty of suggestions as to why surrendering the chastity belt might be in your best interest.

Self Purification
One-night stands allow all parties involved to toss out the ulterior motives and get down to business; no one is taking or giving, pushing or pulling, crying or laughing. The sex is purely physical. One-night stands come without any strings attached, ideally, and when all is said and done, you simply say your goodbyes and walk off into the sunset; or in this case, out the front door the next morning.

Emotional Balance
Anyone who tells you he or she can have repeated casual sex without the emotional drain is most likely getting paid for sex. Friends always start out with benefits but eventually digress into a state of emotional limbo. With a one-night stand, you don’t have to worry about protecting your vulnerability, suppressing your feelings or faking your emotions. The details of the drunken pact are written in plain KY jelly: simply sex, no more. Emotional baggage is for those in a relationship or hoping for one; let them be miserable.

Relationship Woes
Let your parents care about who you’re supposed to marry and whether or not you’re going to die alone with a house full of newspapers and cat litter. This isn’t your time to meet the right person. The one-night stand has one job and one job only: to let you know that the machinery is still goin’ strong. Wasting your time sizing up whether the person tied to the bed posts might be good parent material is exactly that: a waste of time. Leave serious life decisions to the nights when you’re not five deep in fireball shots. 

Anger Management
Pissed at your boss? Roommate ate your Cheerios? Comcast fucking sucks? Whatever the reason, take out your anger and all of life’s other burning issues during your next raucous one-night stand. Like a punchbag, angry sex, revenge sex and celebratory sex can be used as an outlet to release the emotional build-up that can de-stabilize your life. Just don’t punch your partner. No one likes punching while fucking.

Character Development
Your head isn’t the only place for your alter ego. One-night stands provide the perfect stage for you to try out your new material. But as we’ve emphasized, the local police are only a call away. Break from the routine of the day and let loose. Try a fantasy, a new position or a new voice, because tomorrow morning you simply walk out the door and never see this person again. The exoneration of being someone else may surprise you.   

Life Lessons
Practice makes perfect. What better time to work on your short game than with someone you’ll never see again? One-night stands are the perfect opportunity to learn what you like, dislike and might be illegal in 49 of the 50 states. And while working on your own set of select skills, seek out what you want and don’t be afraid to ask. Remember, you are being judged, but you’ll never see (or at least recognize) each other again.

Humble Standards
Face it, right here and right now, the one-night stand in your bed is the hottest person in your life. We can’t vouch for the next morning (rat whiskers and pink eye aren’t as attractive in the sunlight when you’re sober). But for the moment, indulge in the beauty of your partner emanating through the pitch-black darkness of your bedroom.