Struggling with student loans? Let this Chinese billionaire buy you lunch.

Struggling with student loans? Let this Chinese billionaire buy you lunch.

CultureJune 19, 2014

Forget your credit card debt. Forget your medical bills. Forget your student loans. A Chinese billionaire is coming to America to be your financial-guardian-angel-daddy. Let him buy you lunch.

$1 million dollars worth of lunch, to be exact.

Chen Guangbiao, a Chinese recycling magnate, has announced plans feed 1,000 "needy Americans" lunch in Central Park, a venture that will cost him a cool million bucks. It's an attempt, he says, to show fellow business tycoons that there's more to life than “luxury goods, gambling and prostitution”.

... Yeah, we're calling bullshit.

We're pretty sure he just wants to prove a point about how China is rich now, but they didn't used to be, but they are now so ha ha, and blah blah blah.

Yeah, we get it, China. You can go back to your virtuoso guitar babies now ... and if you get bored of that, you can get back to catching falling sky babies.

Chen issued the invitation to his “charity luncheon for 1,000 poor and destitute Americans” via ads in the The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal this week. And, in addition to receiving the chance of a lifetime to be pampered by a wealthy older Chinese man they've never met, guests will each be given $300 to spend on “occupational training” as well as lunch at the Loeb Boathouse restaurant in Manhattan’s Central Park.

Well, we don't know about you, but we're going to use that $300 to purchase the kind of "occupational training" that involves us buying cocaine. We mean cookies. Fuck.

He said he hoped that the lunch would boost relations between China and the United States and change perceptions of wealthy Chinese.

It was not immediately clear whether Chen’s "needy Americans" would have their "needs" met with the Loeb Boathouse's Lemon-Oregano Crusted Salmon or Yellowfin Tuna Sashimi with Tobiko Caviar and Jalapeno Wasabi Vinaigrette.

Those who would like to receive charity pampering from Chen Guangbiao need to RSVP via a Hotmail email address. We'll be looking forward to signing up with our address. Hope to see you there!