Divorcing pirate ghosts and PENIS MAN rules the world in this month's craziest stories
The world's most bizarre stories, plucked right out of the headlines ...
Till Death Do Us Part
In 2016, Amanda Teague made headlines around the world when she married a pirate ghost named Jack on international waters. After the marriage, she says her health quickly began deteriorating; proving Jack was simply “using” her as an energy source. Teague’s friends were supportive of her recent decision to file for divorce, saying that at the wedding they “could see right through him.”
Look Ma, I’m a Bush
An 11-year-old boy is in a bit of trouble from a recent stunt he pulled that almost got him killed. The unnamed New Zealand youth regularly dresses up as a bush and sits on the street corner for fun. However on January 9, it scared passing motorist Manaia Munro so badly she almost veered right into him. And just like that, eating Tide Pods seems reasonable.
It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane
The city of Tempe, Arizona, came under siege last month by an anonymous vandal who keeps writing “PENIS MAN” on everything. Authorities say the vandal has struck over 40 times and remains a nuisance they, and their unending resources, can’t catch.
Local librarian P. Enisman says he hopes the cops will one day bring the criminals to justice.
UPDATE: THEY GOT HIM!
Who Is John Hamburglar
In early January, an Arkansas man named Keegan Byars filed a police report to help solve the mystery of a missing cheeseburger. Byars says he bought two burgers at a local gas station, ate one, and then set the other down on his hotel nightstand. After waking up from a nap, he says the burger was gone. Authorities say this is clearly a fry-by-night operation.
ONLY IN AMERICA
This year’s hottest new online sensation? Dipping your balls into soy sauce. After a 2013 article resurfaced last month that says “testicles have taste buds,” and can “detect the savory taste of umami,” bored influential youth took it upon themselves to experiment on TikTok. Some say it actually works, while one doctor who spoke with BuzzFeed says it’s simply impossible. “It beats vaping,” Dr. Kirten Parekh said. “That’s all I can say.”