Stupidity Index April 2017
“Idaho man drunkenly threatens jihad before hitting people with car”
An inebriated Twin Falls man, claiming to be Muslim, said he would “kill all Americans” after being refused service at a bar and then hit two people with his car in the parking lot. Allah would have come to his rescue, but first thought twice about actually entering Idaho.
“Indiana neighborhood gun range too close to homes”
Houses directly across from a Precision Gun Range in Indiana were recently struck by several bullets forcing neighbors to keep their dogs outside, cancel cookouts or neglect mowing their lawns. In a show of solidarity, homeowners living along Spencer’s Rolling Meadows Golf Course stated they could totally relate.
“Earphones explosion burns woman on plane flight”
A passenger on a flight from China to Australia woke up startled when her battery-powered headphones exploded and continued to spark with fire until flight attendants poured water on them. Investigators later apprehended Nickelback after it was found that “Rockstar” had been
playing at the time.
“Cooler full of marijuana donated to Goodwill”
Employees of a Washington Goodwill discovered 60 ounces of weed in a cooler that had been donated to the store. As of press time, 24-year-old Daryl was still frantically rifling through his parent’s recently re-organized garage, desperately searching for his “special” blue Coleman.
“Former Iranian president joins social media outlet he earlier banned”
Former Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad — who was instrumental in banning Twitter in his country after it helped induce the Arab Spring — now has his own account. His frolicsome“kitties playing” video posts have yet to get a like. #lonelyinpersia
“Pony freed after getting head stuck”
A 16-year- old pony named Izzy in Adams County, Colo. was helped by firefighters after its head got stuck in a manure spreader. Coincidentally, the White House press corps recently found themselves in a very similar situation.