Stupidity Index February 2017
“Children robbed at lemonade stand”
Two teenagers from Lutz, Fla., were arrested after robbing two 9-year-old children of an iPod and their $13.41 earnings selling lemonade at their neighborhood stand. Being unsuccessful at such an easy hit, the teens may want to give up crime and instead pursue careers in HVAC.
“Man arrested for assaulting his girlfriend with a taco”
Steven Stokes, 47, of Maryville, Tenn., was charged with domestic assault after he threatened to burn down his girlfriend’s house and then smashed a taco in her face after finding out she’d been surfing online dating sites. Apparently her pink taco was worth going to jail for.
“Canine attacks family while dressing it”
A Florida dog named Scarface attacked a woman, her husband and their 22-year-old son after they attempted to dress him in a holiday sweater. Meanwhile, just down the street, a man named Jerry lost two fingers struggling to put an ill-fitting R2-D2 costume on his cat Mittens.
“Man arrested for perverted church fire followed by stabbing”
Anthony Boisvert, 27, of Lebanon, N.H., was arrested for allegedly starting a fire in a Baptist Church after watching child porn and masturbating into a dirty diaper in the church rectory. Later, after starting another house fire, he stabbed two people at the condo where he was hiding. Note to readers: masturbating into a dirty diaper may lead to other future bad decisions.
“Man survives car accident then dies after being struck by car”
After suffering minor injuries in a car accident, an Emirati man in Dubai was killed 10 minutes later after being struck by a passing car as he waited for emergency services. The Arab Emirates apparently now has a job opening for a new Mayhem Allstate Insurance guy.
“Mass molestation during Bangalore, India’s New Year’s Eve celebration blamed on West”
A celebratory crowd in Bangalore, India, became unruly while brazenly sexually assaulting women during the city’s New Year’s Eve party — the state minister blaming the acts on young people acting like ‘westerners.’ Mere hours later, westerners in Times Square were assaulted by Mariah Carey’s performance.