Titty twisters, toddlers smoking blunts and pretending to have down syndrome
Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about avoiding these people. This is our monthly compilation of unique individuals who were somehow passed up by natural selection.
Women post Snapchat with toddlers smoking huge blunt
Two North Carolina women became beacons of parenting when they posted a video to Snapchat showing them pass a blunt to three children (all under 4), each kid taking a hit and passing it to their sibling. Have you ever tried to put a 3-year-old to sleep? Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
Football player sues coach for getting titty twister … and wins
An ex-student and football player sued his high school coach and won $125,000 in damages after he told a courtroom that a purple nurple given to him in 2011 has left him with an irreparably large nipple. Luckily for America, wet willies, dead legs and wedgies are still exempt from lawsuits.
Male driver shoots gun at female drivers because they shouldn’t be able to drive
Nicholas Diagostino faces multiple charges of assault with a deadly weapon after he revealed to police he’s shot at multiple female drivers because they’re “incompetent” and “their sole purpose is to give birth to male children.” Lucky for Diagostino, he’ll be heading to a place where he’ll never need to worry about women for a very long time.
Man fakes down syndrome in order to hire caregivers to bathe him
An Arizona man was arrested recently for pretending to have down syndrome so he could hire three separate caregivers to change his diapers, bathe him and put him in time out for being bad. In related news: missing Vice President Mike Pence has been found in Arizona.
Restaurant owner shoots up house of person who left bad review
A Florida restaurant owner showed restraint when he addressed a customer’s negative review of his diner by locating where they lived, driving over, and firing shots into the customer’s house. You know the saying: “The customer’s always right — and if not, shoot ‘em.”