The subtle art of telling someone you're taken

The subtle art of telling someone you're taken

SexMarch 24, 2017 By Isabelle Kohn

Telling someone you’re taken can feel obnoxious and presumptuous, and depending on who’s interested in you … it can be. But flagrantly shrieking your relationship status doesn’t have to be your tactic. You can be a lot smoother and less shitty by dropping the hint using these chill methods.

Name drop your partner in conversation

You can insert your partner’s name in almost any conversation. Anytime you speak about yourself or from your POV, just add your partner’s name or position in. Example: “My boyfriend and I LOVE that butt-waxing place,” or “Actually my girlfriend and I live right next to that taxidermist! And yeah, it’s haunted.” You only have to say it once (maybe twice if you’ve had too many spicy margaritas) and that’s it. Any non-lobotomized person should get the picture.

Be confident about it

If you’re sheepishly like “Uh, yeah I live with my girlfriend …” then your eyes start darting around the room and you look at your feet, you’re showing them you’re conquerable. A lack of confidence when talking about your partner hints that you wish the situation was different. Anyone who’s into you will pick up on this and continue to pursue you because they’re horny and you seem persuadable.

Don’t ask about the other person’s relationship status

Because it makes you seem like you care! And you don’t care.

Activate bitchy friend

Everyone has that one, outspoken friend who can’t keep their mouth shut. This person is your archangel. Tell them that whenever they see you flirting with someone, they have free reign to come over and interrupt with, “He has a girlfriend, douche.” That usually shuts it down preeetty quick.

Send this text

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be presumptuous at all, but I have a boyfriend.” Or girlfriend. Or total lack of interest in human mating partners. Whatever. If you actually like them and want to hang platonically, follow up with “I’m a great friend though!” If you hope they rot in piss, just don’t text back. This text absolves you of presumption (so they can’t come back with some bullshit line like “Don’t flatter yourself”) and conveys a respectful decline. Works every time.