Syria is having a "sexual holy war" and we weren't invited? Rude.

Syria is having a "sexual holy war" and we weren't invited? Rude.

CultureSeptember 22, 2013

So let us get this straight...Syria has declared a "sexual jihad" and no one told us? Did you know about this? We thought we made it clear that we would like to be invited to any sort of future "sexual holy war." Maybe they just lost our names on the guest list?

Regardless, Tunisia is sending thousands of childbearing-aged women to Syria to have sex with its rebel fighters, in what's being called a "sexual jihad." Every woman reportedly has sex with up to 100 rebels, then comes home, preggers with rebel spawn, which are like the Cadillac of babies right now. The sexual tourism came after a religious order was issued, calling for women to travel to Syria to provide intimacy for Muslim fighters. However, Tunisia's Minister of Religious Affairs defended the order, saying it was only recommended of Tunisian women, not required. It's basically an act of devotion; the women show their faith by obeying the order. The order even permits extramarital sex; if you're married but want to show your commitment to your faith by "comforting" say, around 65 men, then fine. You can see how we'd want to get in on this.

Islam expert Raymond Ibrahim pretty much sums up why we're so pissed no one called us about this:

Muslim women prostituting themselves in this case is being considered a legitimate jihad because such women are making sacrifices—their chastity, their dignity—in order to help apparently sexually-frustrated jihadis better focus on the war to empower Islam in Syria.

See what we mean? Shit's a little kinky. No one's exactly sure how many Tunisian women have traveled to Syria to get a piece of sweet rebel ass, but as Interior Minister Lofti bin Jeddo says, "We are doing nothing and standing idle." So hopefully that means we can get there in time.