The Textalyzer is here to fuck up your whole day

The Textalyzer is here to fuck up your whole day

CultureApril 27, 2017 By Brian Frederick

Accidents caused by cell phones account for more than 3,000 deaths per year and close to a half-million injuries. This is a bad thing. What's worse, is that each and every one of those car crashes were entirely avoidable. 

Then again, most everyone needs to know what's going on at all times and will flip through feeds or play the latest Snap regardless of how fast they're going in a three-thousand pound wrecking ball. To curb this shitty way of going about things, a new 'Textalyzer' has been developed and is gaining steam on the East Coast. It's here to ruin your whole day.

The Textalyzer is basically what it sounds like; it's a device that can tell whether or not you were distracted by a phone in the moments leading up to a crash. Complete invasion of privacy and sketchy policing in making absolutes aside, this may become the norm in organizations nationwide soon.

How it works is simple, really. All it takes is for an officer of the law at the scene to plug in a phone and about 90 seconds of their time. Data is then collected and shipped off to the appropriate offices where others will eventually make the call on whether or not the phone had any part in the wreck. Cause for concern, though? You bet it is.

Advocates of privacy are worried that the new technology will be just another way for large entities to steal personal information and do god-knows-what with it.

“There’s no guarantee a device like that would be able to scan a phone without collecting private information on one’s phone and there is also no way to ensure accuracy,” says Rashida Richardson of the New York Civil Liberties Union to CBS.

If passed, a supporting bill in Albany, New York, would be a first of its kind to allow the use of the particular device in investigations. Advocates for the technology say it will help curb future crashes and hold people accountable for being distracted.

What this means for you? Pay attention to the damn road, mostly, but if you happen to cause an accident by trolling the 'Gram, just know you're probably not going to get away with it in the near future.

Welcome to nu-America.