These teched-out shorts are designed to help you grow a better dick

These teched-out shorts are designed to help you grow a better dick

CultureAugust 18, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

Kegels! They're not just for yoga moms named Mountainside anymore!

Men have kegel muscles too, and according to Ask Jeeves, exercising them can give you a penis that's harder, better, faster, and stronger than ever before. You have leg day, arm day, cardio day ... now it's time for dick day.

But since exercising your kegels is just like exercising anything else, it helps to have the right tools to do it.

Enter VylyV, the un-prounceable "smart shorts" that look like extraterrestrial swim trunks but are designed to increase your cock presence, sexual stamina and penile blood flow.

Made out of a sensor-embedded textile that tracks contractions in your kegel muscles (also called pelvic floor muscles), the shorts are paired with a Dance Dance Revolution-style smartphone game that maximizes your cockout to the maximum max ... but it's not your body that's dancing along to the beat ... it's your dick.

VylyV has personalized workout plans that cater to all levels of dick fitness, all which provide the counseling of a very intimate personal trainer so you never have to step foot in a gym and ask where the penis machines are. The setup is discreet as well; you can pulse your penis muscles wherever you are, be it at the office (pulse, pulse), at the gym (puuuulse) or in the damp, dank privacy of your own home (PULSE, BITCH).

In fact, maximum discretion and wearability is actually one of the wearable's main goals: to help you incorporate pelvic floor exercises into daily routines.

Case in point? The app has an alarm feature that reminds you to exercise your wang “with a discreet vibration.”

Mmm, alarms.

VylyV's developers say they made these revolutionary cock shorts because a “sedentary lifestyle, and negative effects of sports like biking, slows down blood flow.” Over time, that decreased blood flow can make it harder to get a boner, something that can have a variety of negative psychological and physical effects on the person that flaccid cock is attached to. 

Kegel exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor are the only known way to reverse these effects and return circulation to limp dicks.

VylyV also claims that “medical research strongly supports the positive effects of pelvic floor exercise has on erection quality, prostate, and urinary tract health," so not only do they Hulk out your cock, they make the rest of your penis system healthy too.

Oh, and it's the "only way to experience multiple orgasms.” So, there's that:

Here's a short video that shows the shorts in action. Try not to get too turned on.

For more information on VylyV and how they can help a more imposing boner sprout forth from your torso, head over to their website. The shorts are now available for purchase on Indiegogo.