Tips for women on how to flirt with men, or anyone for that matter
“For a man, female attractiveness has everything to do with cues of openness. It has nothing to do with the actual shape of the face,” says Vanessa Van Edwards, Behavioral Investigator and author of “Human Lie Detection and Body Language 101.”
She has a lot to say about women picking up guys and the human conditions attached to it — flirt with your ass, pluck your eyebrows, sway your hips. But is all this for real? We asked women whether or not anyone should take this kind of stuff seriously.
The Tilted Head
Van Edwards reports that when a woman’s head is tilted and looks at a male from the side, it’s a cue she is giving them the eyes. She says the tilt of the neck is an important cue to notice because it releases pheromones for men — hence, neck kissing, and spraying perfume in that area. The upward tilt of the head also “shows the roundness of our face, which is why we’re filled with estrogen,” says Van Edwards (completely contradicting what she said above).
“Yeah, I totally see how that’s flirty,” says 22-year-old Shayna. “But I definitely don’t think head placement is going to drastically change if I go home with a guy or not.”
Back and Forth
“Touching our neck or flipping our hair is sort of another flirting move,” says Van Edwards. “And this is because it releases pheromones. It also draws a man’s attention to our neck.” The flipping of the hair becomes a habit to women because it is an attractive move and reveals how shiny their hair is, she says. Men are supposed to be attracted to women with shiny hair because it shows that they are very fertile and healthy. Okay …
“I’m usually flipping my hair to get it out of my face,” says Tatiana, 22. “But if it makes a man hard, I guess that’s cool too.”
The Marilyn Stare
The stare is simple, says Van Edwards: raised eyebrows and lowered lids. “This is a very enticing pose. It sort of looks like a woman in pleasure,” she says. (This must be why Ms. Monroe was such a hot commodity.)
“This is the look I’m most likely giving someone when I’m stoned,” says Haley, 23. “This is because I can’t open my eyes. I’m not posing for a magazine when I have a conversation.”
Van Edwards says that when women want power they pluck their eyebrows to look helpless and raise a man’s testosterone. She also says that when women seem submissive to a male, it heightens their testosterone, which is why women tend to pluck under their eyes to create a higher arch. It apparently makes women look helpless, and “for a man, that raises their testosterone to take care of us., it makes us look more vulnerable.”
“What the fuck?” says Jessica, 24. “I literally pluck my eyebrows for the sole purpose of not looking like Chewbacca. How does less hair make you look helpless?”
The Flick of The Wrist
Van Edwards states that when women show their wrists it makes them seem more vulnerable. She demonstrates the way men smoke versus the way women smoke. When impersonating a male, she shows that they keep their wrist facing towards their chest when they release their puff of smoke. When impersonating a woman, she flicks her wrist all the way back. “Exposing our wrists shows, ‘I’m vulnerable, I’m submissive,’ which, unfortunately, in our culture, means feminine,” Van Edwards says. She also claims the limp wrist is a sign of femininity.
“That’s … just fucking idiotic,” says Coleen, 32.
The Assertive Stance
Women take back power, Van Edwards says, by assertively claiming their space. She explains that this happens when women stand with their feet shoulder width apart and facing forward — as well as when they’re sitting. Spreading their hands out in front of them on a table is one way to get the point across. “That is a sign you’re controlling your space and claiming your territory,” she says.
“This is just stupid,” says 22-year-old Lauren. “When did we ever lose power?”
A Forward Approach
According to Van Edwards, women do not like being approached from behind, even though men don’t mind it. “Women, when they are approached from behind,” says Van Edwards, “their cortisol levels shoot up. It’s a stress hormone.” If you are a male approaching a female, come to her from the side or lightly tap her shoulder. Coming up to a woman from behind puts her “on edge.”
“This woman makes girls sound like they are being attacked 24/7,” says Ryan, a 22-year-old guy. “No one is going to go up to a woman and just spook the shit out of them for no reason.”
Three things to remember, says Van Edwards: expressive face, showing your hands, and leaving your arms uncrossed. “That’s a way to build rapport with other women,” she says. It is a way to show women that you are friendly and likable.
“ ... And buy us food, give us good sex, you’re golden,” says Lauren. “Kidding … well, kind of.”
Hips Don’t Lie
Men physically cannot walk with the swaying of their hips. “So, when women do it is literally saying ‘look how much estrogen I have,’” says Van Edwards. Also, if you look at editorial magazines such as Sports Illustrated, women pose in such a way that men physically cannot, since men are set straight and women have curved hips.
“It’s like she’s never seen an effeminate man before,” says 29-year-old Bonnie. “lol! Did she just make this stuff up to sound as stupid as possible?”
But don’t worry, says Van Edwards! Men miss on average a total of three courtship signals. They’ll get the hint … eventually.