Turns out children don't make the best drums

Turns out children don't make the best drums

VicesSeptember 18, 2013

There's a very good reason that you don't see your favorite bands accenting their rhythm section with kid-drums. That's because kids don't make good drums. Because drumming on kids is illegal, you guys. Even when there is an admittedly catchy beat to be drummed. One such as, say, Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines." It's still not allowed. Don't do it. Stop it. Stop.

But Florida man Steven Grady Fillingim must have forgotten that beating kids like drums is bad, because he was arrested on child abuse charges after he was caught beating an underage relative with a 30-inch metal switch to the beat of "Blurred Lines."

Okay, two things: 1) Illegal. 2) No. Bad Steven. Okay, maybe one more thing...3) These are not drumming materials, Steven. Have you ever heard a drum? This is not what drums are made of.

At some point during the beating/jam sesh, Steven thought, "Hey, I'd really like to get arrested for doing this," so he recorded a video of the abuse and sent to his girlfriend.

Girlfriend was not impressed and responded by showing it to the cops, who promptly arrested Steven. According to the arrest report, Steven subjected his underage relative to a myriad of tortures, such as shoveling dirt until 1:30 AM and holding weights for house as punishment for "being lazy." So, he's the world's worst drummer AND the worst dude alive.

Unfortunately for Steven, there aren't a lot of "Blurred Lines" in jail when it comes to being someone's bitch. Maybe he can drum on his prison husband's belly now. Smell ya later, Steven.