Until she apologizes to movie fans, Madonna is banned from watching movies
Last weekend, Madonna decided she'd grace the public with her presence by attending a showing of Steve McQueen's 12 Years as a Slave at the Alamo Drafthouse Theater.
It's unclear whether Madonna crept into the dark, secluded theater to actually watch a movie, or whether she materialized there to recover from plastic surgery or her inability to make music anymore. Either way, she spent what was likely a feigned attempt at winter hibernation texting somebody while other moviegoers tried to watch all their favorite household names pretend to be mean Southern plantation workers or slaves getting whipped.
According to film critic Charles Taylor, someone tapped her on the shoulder sometime during the film and asked her to put her phone away, because it was distracting the rest of the audience from the nauseating slavery scenes. But alas! Madonna swiveled around and hissed, "It's for work...ENSLAVER," at the nice lady who just wanted to watch the movie instead of Madonna's cell phone. Shit, Madonna, can't a girl cry at the brutal atrocities of slavery in peace?
Alamo Drafthouse, a theater with a legendary for busting texters, responded on Twitter by formally banning Madonna from watching movies there until she "apologizes to movie fans." CEO Tim League said he was serious about enforcing the ban, but doubted it would have much of an effect on Madonnas life.
Actually, we're pretty sure she's going to have to find a new lair to molt in, so way to go, Alamo Drafthouse.