Use it or lose it: Man cuts off his man meat because he can't find a girlfriend

Use it or lose it: Man cuts off his man meat because he can't find a girlfriend

VicesOctober 30, 2013

We've all gone through our sexual dry spells, but as a saying we just made up goes, "there's no dry spell like the dry spell that comes from not having a penis." 

Chinese man Yang Hu knows what we're talking about. He was so depressed and frustrated after not being able to find a girlfriend to have sex with, that he hacked off his ding dong because hey, he wasn't really using it, so what was the point of having it? Surely not pissing? Or jacking off? Practical guy.

After the amputation, Yang had a change of heart, and decided that he would like to re-have a penis. So he hopped on his bike and rode to his friendly neighborhood hospital for treatment, but when he arrived, he noticed something...he forgot his penis at home. Did you hear that? He. Forgot. His. Penis. At. Home. How many times do you think you'll be able to say that in your life? "I forgot my penis at home?" Don't answer that.

The doctors at the hospital were like, "Bring us that penis," because, afterall, you can't reattach a penis if you don't have a penis to reattach in the first place (we should be doctors).They instructed him to retrieve the thing, but instead of sending an ambulance to go get it, they made Yang ride his bike back home to get it. It gets worse.

When Yang got home, he grabbed his lost manhood, and took his third and final penis-less bike ride back to the hospital, and got ready to get that thing put back where it belonged. But hold up, the doctors told him his penis had been without blood for too long and they would not be able to adhere the member to him. He would have to go without penis forever. Moral of the story? Never forget your penis at home, kids.

We think we know why he was pathologically single though: