We’re not so bad: 9 things women pretend to hate about men but probably secretly love
In recent years the market value of the real-life male homo sapien has been crumbling. Man-hating is almost ubiquitous online for good reason and countless women give up on us daily.
But are we really that bad? Dick pics and a few random misdemeanors of douchery aside, we think we’re pretty alright. At the very least, we feel that we’re certainly getting better.
Think about it for a second: the straight man of today is more likely to support feminism and women’s rights more than ever before, he’s closing the orgasm gap, and he celebrates his homosexual brothers.
Call it our foolish male pride, but no matter how much you say you despise us, we have a feeling you secretly love us. And here are 10 of the best reasons why:
1. Our dad bods
This was largely exposed a few months ago when it was uncovered that women love the dad bod. Can you blame them?
We think one of the biggest reasons the dad bod is so revered is the lack of shame those that possess it carry. C'mon, you can’t help but admire a man who proudly flaunts his stuff, whether or not it’s deemed as traditionally sexy.
The dad bod is hot in this peculiar, sarcastic sort of way, kind of like how the entire 1980s were.
2. Our struggle when opening bras and condom wrappers
Those bras with the clip things at the front ruin the game every. damn. time. We’ll be feeling like a total Romeo attempting to pop the bra off with one hand, before we're forced to send a second hand over to offer air support. Next thing we know she’s laughing and anxious feelings flood through, nostalgic of when we had sex for my very first time ...
It may kill the mood a little, but she must love it if she’s laughing, right?
3. We take pride in stupid shit
Burps, farts and a tall stack of finished dinner buffet plates. Stupid shit right? Yeah, probably. But it doesn’t mean we’re not elated with pride for our unique abilities in these areas.
If anything besides being laughable, it shows that the male of the species can find happiness and pride in almost anything, which is a great way of thinking to possess. Maybe even inspiring?
4. When we try to be gentlemen
A gentleman never tells ... but he usually has a goofy-as-fuck smile on his face when asked, which pretty much tells everything.
In other words, we may strive to be gentlemen, but sometimes fall very short. It may not be enamoring when we fail, but it's the thought that counts, and many women definitely appreciate the effort. It’s cute when we try to sweep ladies off their feet.
Remember when the Beast tried to impress Belle by becoming reformed? It's like that. He was a lovable fool, and her patience paid off.
5. Our playful cockiness
Women are a difficult creature to attract. They want a man who is confident, but they claim they don’t like one who is cocky. So we invented this thing called playful cockiness, which is somewhat of a compromise. It’s essentially a cunning form of sarcasm veiling actual cockiness.
The perfect exemplification of this is humble bragging about something ridiculous with a half-smile in a silly voice.
So the next time you hear us tell you that "our pubes are on fleek," just know that we're just mostly joking.
6. Our prank and teasing skills
Men show intimacy in very strange ways. Whereas a woman is more inclined to cuddle a man or whisper sweet nothings, a man is more likely to lift a woman in the air and pretend to throw her into a river.
The attraction of teasing and pranking comes from a man's ability to think with novelty and do things for no other purpose than to make women laugh.
Everyone enjoys being put in their place. It signifies the person doing it knows you well enough to figure out how to punk you, and that's a weird type of intimacy in its own right.
7. Our terrible flirting methods
You ladies are superb at flirting.
Sometimes we hold our own pretty well and come out with minimal stutters and blushes, but just know we're a f*cking mess inside. Like, there’s all these weird butterfly-type things fluttering around, and sometimes we emit a musk offensive to everyone in the vicinity.
But what we lack in romantic ability, we make up for with humor, self deprecation and adorable awkwardness. Deep down, most of us are just a bunch Michael Ceras — and that dude is a total ladykiller.
8. Our lack of shame
The dad bod was mentioned earlier, but this extends to pretty much everything. Men just don’t feel shame in the way they should, and women can’t help but dig the confidence.
9. Our messy writing
You’ve got to appreciate, for whatever reason, the majority of men just can’t seem to write freehand with any sort of tact or aesthetic quality.
This is an idiosyncrasy that women would sooner adore than criticize. Just like how we love how adorably weak your biceps are (see #6). It can’t be explained. Maybe it has to do with opposites attracting? Whatever it is, our chicken scratch gets all the babes.