We asked: What's the worst thing you've bought drunk shopping online?

We asked: What's the worst thing you've bought drunk shopping online?

CultureOctober 05, 2018

Alright, don’t lie to us, we’re not your dad. We’ve all been there. You’re sitting on your couch, surfing the Internet while your brain surfs atop the bourbon you downed earlier. An ad pops up for a puffy winter jacket for a cat. With actual pockets! You don’t own a cat but your brain tells you to pull the trigger. Seriously, animals wearing human clothes? Done. 

Anyway, you wake up, head pounding, and with no recollection of ever buying a cat jacket, an avalanche survivor kit and a years-supply of Slim Jims only to be pleasantly (hopefully) surprised when the packages begin arriving on your doorstep like Christmas in July. Whether it’s human clothes for your pet or whatever that Shamwow guy is selling, we all know a few drinks (or marijuana cigarettes) only enhances your shopping experience. 

A recent lost bet and one t-shirt of J.R. Smith’s tattoos got us thinking: What’s the weirdest stuff you’ve bought online under the influence? So we set out to ask the world and the beautiful people in it what's the worst thing they've bought during a drunken spree. It's not pretty folks. 

“I was watching Step Brothers while I was piss drunk and I bought the shirt Will Ferrell was wearing in the opening scene.”
-Annd H. 22

“We were drinking one night and I couldn’t fall asleep and there was an infomercial for a ninja blender (if you don’t know what it is look it up and you’ll know why I wanted it) and I was like I NEED that. It was like $300 or something insane.”
-Sarah F. 26

“A crossbow arrived at my doorstep a week after I drunkenly watched the first few episodes of The Walking Dead. Who casually spends $300 on a crossbow?”
-Erica V. 26

“Oh god, so many things. I bought a tree once. I guess that’s pretty weird.”
-Bri D. 23

“If I had internet at my home I probably would.”
-Matt R. 33

“10,000%. Band merch is sooooo much cheaper when you buy it drunk.”
-Anna R. 27

“Sometimes I smoke knowing I’m about to do some shopping. Worst thing I’ve ever bought? Honestly, I’m pretty good about it, but candy is my weakness. One time I bought a $10 jug of Head Bangers. So jank, but I was looking for the sourest candy I could find. Still haven’t finished them.”
-Luke D. 24

“The Halo Reach collector’s edition statue is the ONLY thing I’ve bought while online drunk shopping.”
-Alanah P. 25

“One time I was wasted at the bars, dropped $200 on random betting lines, thought I lost all my bets, and woke up with $500. I don’t know if online betting counts as shopping, kinda feels like it does.”
-Landon J. 24

“Do ambien purchases count? I woke up to an email confirmation for a set of butt plugs and an umbrella. I still wonder what I must have been thinking.”
-Filthystick, Reddit user

“Yes, too often. The weirdest combination of things I’ve bought (on Amazon) was: a small bonsai tree, a button-up shirt with pizzas on it, K.Y., and a laser pointer. I had my reasons I am sure of it.”
-Tammy P., 27

“I was at a party and this guy told me I could get 25% off a Spirithood if I bought it right now. Suffice to say I am now the proud owner of a red fox spirithood.”
-Sam K, 26

“I’m more likely to fill my online cart with shit and never buy it when I’m drunk.”
-Alex M., 36