Welp, here are some '90s pop hits transformed into songs about cum

Welp, here are some '90s pop hits transformed into songs about cum

VicesFebruary 08, 2017 By Isabelle Kohn

We don't know, you guys.

The world has gone to shit.

There's really nothing left to do now but resign ourselves to menial forms of entertainment that, for a few brief and merciful milliseconds, distracts us from the impending singularity encroaching upon us.

These '90s pop songs, re-done as ballads about human cum, do just that.

... As if we even had to sell you on them. We know you live for this shit.

Anyway, they were made by this chick Jill Katze, who dabbles in an internet pastime known as "SoundClown" or "shitpost," a prankish amusement where people replace the worlds of popular songs with things like — you guessed it — lyrics about penis juice. It's a gas!

So far, Katze's redos of such musical numbers as "All Star" by Smash Mouth and "All the Small Things" by Blink-182 have racked up over 100,000 plays on SoundCloud, and if that's any indication of the low-hanging juvenilia people are using to sedate reality, you'll probably love them.

Here goes nothing:

"All Star" by Smash Mouth

Hey now, you’re a cum star get your game on go cum/ Hey now you’re a rock star, get the cum on, get paid. All that glitters is cum / Only shooting stars break the mold.

"All the Small Things" by Blink 182

“All the cum things / True care / Cum brings / Always I know / You’ll cum at my show / Watching / Waiting / Cumming / Cumming.” The money shot is that instead of the traditional Ramones-inspired chorus of “Na na / Na na / Na na / Na na / Na na,” it’s “Cum cum / Cum cum / Cum cum / Cum cum / Cum cum.”

... aaand yeah.

That's it. Those are all the cum songs she's done.

“I dunno if I’m gonna do any more of these because I don’t know if I want to be known as ‘that girl who takes 90s pop songs and makes them about cum,’ ” she wrote on the SoundCloud to her followers. Yeah, well ... fair.

For now, these are all the Christmas gifts Katze has given us and it is up to us to continue her legacy. We vote "Mambo #5" by Lou Vega, because "A little bit of cum in my life, a little bit of cum by my side, a little bit cum is what I need, a little bit of cum is all I see" just sounds so catchy.