What your favorite porn category says about your inner self

What your favorite porn category says about your inner self

SexJanuary 27, 2017

Although they might seem like little more than a passing, five-minute fap, your porn preferences say a lot about your mental state — they're reflections of deep, inner truths hidden from our consciousness. Oftentimes, we eroticize long-repressed feelings and emotions — both negative and positive — that we've been holding on since childhood, then sexualize them through porn to fit our needs.

How we sexualize those things is a flashing, billboard-sized advertisement of who we are. It's possible to predict the facets of someone's personality based on the type of smut they spank to, and that, in fact, is what we're about to do, right here, right now. 

Note: Although we know you're a huge fan of Panamanian cake-fart porn, we had to simplify the categories in this post in order to accommodate the jizzy tastes of the modern man-woman-it. So, we're using Pornhub's 2016 list of most popular porn categories. If you don't see yours on here, congratulations — you're fringe.

MILF

You're most likely to be a male ages 46-64 (what are you doing on our site?), and your childhood friend had a hot mom growing up. Daisy, or Midge, I believe? She'd hug you with her boobs just so hard when you came over, and bake you cookies while your step-dad Terry had "big guy time" with your own mom.

You think women have a sexual "peak."

Many people — especially men — see MILFs as hornier and more sexually voracious than younger women, an assumption that fits hand-in-hand with the widely-held belief that dignified ladies reach a sexual peak in their 30s. As such, younger people with more Hulk-like libidos seem to think MILFs — with their ringing biological alarm clocks that tell them to fuck now or die trying — will be better better matched to suit their needs.

Actually, this isn't so far off from reality. In Alfred Kinsey’s classic research on female sexuality, he discovered that women in their 30s reported having more orgasms than women in any other age group. Likewise, a more contemporary study conducted during this millennia found that women aged 27-45 thought about sex the most often, were more interested in casual sex, and had the most frequent sexual activity of any other age group.

You're into power and dominance.

Probably the biggest pull (literally) that makes most MILF porn so hot is level of power and dominance the more mature women hold over their younger prey. A Journal of Sex Research study took on the oh-so-difficult task of cross-analyzing the content of 50 MILF videos and 50 teen videos pulled from 10 popular porn sites, and found that the actresses in MILF porn were 2.5 times more likely to be the initiators of sex and 9 times more likely to control the pace and direction of the sexual encounter. Bossy.

Given that MILFs are generally the sexual aggressors in porn, no one would blame you for loving it if you had a little submissive streak.

You're kind of a feminist (?)

The same study that examined all the MILF and teen porn also found that, in porn where the characters’ profession was part of the storyline (like supervisor/employee or police/prisoner), MILFs a held a higher job status than their male partners 83 percent of the time. In MILF porn, women were the employers, teachers, and judges, while men were often depicted as employees, students, and bailiffs.

Not sure that inherently makes you a feminist, but if you can jack off to equal or higher pay, then god damn it, you can fight for it as well.

 

Teen

You're probably a youngish man between the ages 18-24 whose first girlfriend broke their heart after discovering older men tend to last longer than 35 seconds. You are the future of our nation.

You want a second chance at your first time.

One theory that explains the popularity of teen porn is that it stems from adult men's longing re-imagine their own sexual debuts. For many of us, sex during our teen years was blisteringly awkward and turbulent; full of embarrassing "Wait, do I actually blow on it?" moments and a consuming obsession with 8008135, otherwise known as "boobies" as typed on a T1-83 calculator from Geometry class.

Sex educator Lanae St. John suggests that grown-ass men are turned on by jailbait because through depictions of their sexuality, they get to "relive an adolescence they didn't get to have." In other words, men pretend to be the young boys having sex with teen girls so they can imagine they're doing a better job of it than they did.

"It's less predatory than it is wistful, " St. John says. That would mean, then, that your zeal for teen porn is not creepy or indicative of any sort of attraction towards the too-young ... it's just a therapeutic tool for working through past issues (... a tool that also utilizes a lot of lube and tissues).

... Do you need a hug?

You don't want people to know you suck in bed.

Another theory as to why people like to spill seed to teens has more to do with people's own anxiety and insecurity than their reproductive desires.

In an article about adult men's hard-on for teens, Jezebel explains that in the fantasy world of teen porn, "the teen girl is an ingénue longing for sexual initiation at the hands and body of an experienced older man. For an older man (the average male porn user is over 30) perhaps intimidated by the erotic and emotional demands of his own female peers, the imagined naïveté of a much-younger woman is a source of comfort. The less experience she has, the less likely she'll mock his clumsiness and the more likely she'll appreciate whatever savoir-faire he does possess."

Well, you know what they say: nobody loves a good boob honk or clitoral foxhunt more than a 19-year-old girl.

 

Anal

Despite the fact that "butts, butts, butts" seems to be the motto of the younger generations these days, you're most likely between the ages of 45 and 54, and you love spicy food and haunted houses, sometimes in the same night.

You're a bandwagon groupie.

Anal sex is everywhere these days. Everyone's doin' it. Over the last 60 years, anal sex rates have climbed from fewer than 15 percent in the fifties to 40 percent today, with highest rates being reported among those in their 20s. 

So, maybe you're watching so much anal porn because you feel it's what you're supposed to do — you're an anal lemur. That, or you're looking for tips and techniques to lovingly unleash on your next rectum.

You don't want no stinkin' kids.

As a Psychology Today article on our culture's fascination with anal sex reports, "In embracing anal sex, [people are] embracing it with no intent or possible result of pregnancy — it is sex, at its rawest." In other words, anal sex entirely bypasses the biological point of sex, which is to reproduce — it's so sexy, that it's not sex as sex should be at all. Instead, it's a subversion of our basic human form and anatomy. Therefore, it's taboo, and therefore, you think it's hot.

You want to be seen as a sexual object.

Since anal defies reproduction, it necessarily asks people to see themselves as sexual objects who exist purely for the sake of pleasure, not procreation. And last time I checked, pleasure is a much more spank-worthy subject than cervical dilation during childbirth. Moving on.

You're a bit of an adrenaline junkie.

For many people, the dark, dank caverns of the anus is uncharted territory ... and it's a thrill to discover it. Even if said anus isn't exactly where no man, finger or strap-on has gone before, it's still something novel, uncommon, and special in its rarity. It's a treat; something you do when you're feeling particularly adventurous, like skydiving or my favorite hobby, piranha-kissing.

 

Ebony (includes Big Black Dick and Interracial)

You're most likely between the ages of 25 and 34, and ... that's it. That's all I've got.

You grew up in, or live in, a more diverse part of the country.

PornHub's latest data project revealed that "ebony" was the top porn search term for the entire Southeastern United States, which is not-so-coincidentally the area of the country with the largest black population.

You want to fuck yourself.

It's not surprising that ebony porn is more popular in areas where more black people live. It's a proven trend — people like to jack off to what they know. For example, the porn people in Malta love the most is ... "Malta porn."

You have some ideas about stereotypes.

Generally speaking, the black people portrayed in many ebony videos are stereotyped versions of what society seems to think the black community is — white people rammed with huge black cocks. Black women overjoyed to blow Eminem-looking white dudes. Black men mumbling like Snoop Dogg ... I could go on. If you're looking for a black stereotype in ebony porn, I doubt you'll have to click more than once or twice to find one.

Stereotyping isn't unique to ebony porn — it's rife in Asian, Brazilian and Latino porn as well. However, considering that all these portrayals are simply vehicles for sexual fantasy, it would be interesting to examine your own ideas about, and experience with racial stereotypes in your life.

Do you think all black men are strong and have Five Dollar Footlong-sized cocks? Do you think interracial porn is hot because it's taboo in your area to date someone outside of your own race? Do you think black women are necessarily more sexual?

I can't answer any of these questions for you, or make an assessment about your personality based on your interest in that type of porn, but ... food for thought.

 

Lesbian

Finally, the women outnumber the men! If Lesbian porn is your jam, you're most likely the proud owner of a pair of ovaries that, like you, are between the ages of 18-24 years old. One time, you fingerbanged your best friend in craft brewery, and you just ... want ... someone ... to ... find ... your ... clit. It's right there. Literally, right there.

You don't really watch porn ... unless it's girl porn.

Lesbian porn is a whole different animal from heterosexual porn — both parties are typically attractive, they seem to be enjoying it, and as the predominately female viewer of such material, you can picture yourself as one of the actresses much easier as they've got double the amount of your own parts to fantasize about. These positive benefits are typically hard to find in your typical RedTube staff pick, so you tend to stay away from porn in general ... unless its your tried-and-true chick flick side. X-Art, anyone?

You feel that people don't take your sexual potential seriously.

Again, mainstream heterosexual porn is produced by males, for males. In these videos, women are rarely sexually empowered, or even doing shit that looks like it would feel good, so you turn to lesbian porn because it more accurately portrays things that allow you to experience your own sexuality fully — lots of vibrators, eating out, kissing ... stuff that turns you on. Stuff that acknowledges your sexual interests and needs.

If you're a woman, you're a bit bi.

Chances are, if you're watching lesbian porn, you've got a little thing for women. Maybe you're full-on bisexual or maybe you just see same-sex sex as more of a fantasy, but either way, watching lesbian porn helps you flex the fluidity of your sexuality.

If you're a guy, you're egotistical and interested in control.

Many men see lesbian porn as some sort of performance for their entertainment — they're the puppet master for the puppets scissoring each other. Or, as The Atlantic points out, it gives men the opportunity to play with control because categorically speaking, a man is literally the last person on earth these lesbians would be attracted to. The fact that a man is privy to their sexual encounters (even from the voyeuristic lens of internet porn) means he's somehow qualified to be there to witness the awe-inspiring phenomenon that is two women not faking it as they're pounded by a sunglass-wearing plumber named "Chet."

 

Anime

Get that tentacle out of your ass, you 18-24 year old.

You sometimes wish you were a kid again.

Remember how earlier we talked about instances from your childhood influencing what you eroticize for sexual fantasy? Well, what did you spend your childhood doing?

Watching cartoons, probably. And not only did you just passively watch them, but they raised you in a way. You learned about morality from Spongebob. Unrequited love from Hey Arnold. How to take over the world from Pinky and the Brain.

Cartoons are deep-seated parts of our memory, so watching anime kind of feels like a familiar hug; a reminder that things can still be fun and fantastical, even in the dreary cum-stain that is adulthood.

The real world has disappointed you.

Have a tentacle fantasy? Want a fleet of half-men-half-horses to conduct sexual experiments on your body in space? Fantasize about a transgender witch turning you into molten lava with her mind?

Too bad. Doesn't exist. At least in this dimension.

By contrast, anime allows your strange, magical fantasies that would never work within the limited confines of the real world to flourish. Anything's possible — there need be no frontier to your desires. Your imagination can run wild as creative-ass hentai shows you fantasy after fantasy that you'd never even thought was possible, expanding your capacity for arousal infinitely past what your Adobe Creative Suite-lacking ancestors could ever accomplish.

You don't have to feel shame, because real people aren't actually doing that shit.

Hentai allows people to explore fantasies that are a little too taboo (or illegal) for actual human actors to (legally) partake in. It's full of examples of rape, way-too-young-looking girls, rampant sexism and torturous-looking sex; things that are okay to be privately turned on by but really not okay to act out (unless under instances of extreme trust and consent). Not every hentai is that extreme of course, but still, it's a way to get as close to actualizing a more extreme desire as you safely can.

Peter Griffin porn.

He has sex with Marge Simpson!