Whistleblower Edward Snowden admits to being dubstep legend. We knew it.

Whistleblower Edward Snowden admits to being dubstep legend. We knew it.

MusicJuly 11, 2013

Edward Snowden, everybody's favorite NSA leaker has regained his media spotlight releasing another devastating secret, this time shocking the wide world of dubstep. The man who looks like he's either never been to a dubstep show or roofies girls at dubstep shows is actually dubstep legend, Burial.

This from News With Tags

‘In the spirit of full disclosure and transparency which I have been urging the US government to embrace I would like to state that I, Edward Snowden, am and have always been, Burial. I’ve always wanted to let the music speak for itself as anonymously as I could but that’s impossible now.’

‘The US government has never been anything but implacably opposed to the dubstep movement so I had no choice but to keep my beat making a secret. In the light of Skream’s recent admission that dubstep is dead and with the spotlight that has been shined on my past recently by the media I felt it was the right time to come forward and admit to being Burial.’

In a further twist, U.S. Secretary of State, John Kerry, has claimed that the U.S. government ‘always knew’ that Snowden was Burial. When pressed by journalists Kerry became exasperated and refused to divulge his sources. ‘No, I can’t say how I knew but what I will say is that I kept his secret. Which is more than he did for the U.S. government.’

‘How can you trust a man who blows his own whistle,’ Kerry queried.

Snowden, get all your secrets out while you still can. Vladimir Putin and Russia are about to teach you a lesson in civil liberties.