Why millennials aren't having sex
Generations are different. For hundreds of years, every generation looked at their kids and grandkids and said, “These kids are maniacs! Partying! Drinking! Hip hop! Mawing, raw, tittynubbing sex!”
No more. Bands don’t smash hotel rooms, wet t-shirt contests seem stupid, writers don’t dose acid and interview presidents … and these days, millennials are keeping their pant fingers to themselves.
A recent study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior reports that young adults are more abstinent than Gen Xers or Baby Boomers.
Among 20- to 24-year-olds, virgins are trending.
- 15 percent of people in that age group haven’t boned since turning 18. That’s up from 6 percent in the early ‘90s.
- Compared to the early ‘90s, nearly triple the number of young women aren’t having sex at all, shooting upward at a rate from 5 to 16 percent.
This generation's “numbers” are also low. A CDC study said that millennials and iGeners are projected to have eight sexual partners in their lives. Eight! That’s how many Drake has most afternoons. Baby boomers, meanwhile, had 11. For Generation X, it's 10.
It's not just us. This is a global dry spell. The Brits and the Japanese, too, are locking it up.
What the not fuck? Possible reasons: The economy was sluggish for our golden fucking plus sucking years. More of us live with parents. Delayed marriage. Porn. Pocket pussies / vibrators. Screen addiction. Antidepressants like Prozac and Paxil, which turn dongs into butter sticks. Too fat to fuck.
On the other hand, is it bad to bone less? Maybe millennials are busy studying and inventing and programming? Maybe fewer dudes are pressuring girls into unwanted sex? Maybe millennials are being choosy, which lowers unwanted pregnancy and divorce rates? These questions warrant further study, which millennials have plenty of time for, what with all the non-log-jamming going on.
At least when it comes to sex, older generations are finally gonna be right when they say:
These kids have gone soft.